Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Where's the Contraception?

Last night while waiting for the new ginger haired boy show to start I ended up watching the "Mitre 10 Dream Home" show, only because the initial story on 60 Minutes was too heart wrenching for me to bear, being the mother of 2 teenagers addicted to text.

Part way into the Dream Home show the contestants met with a bank representative to work out what they could afford on a mortgage, in case they were not the lucky winners and shock horror had to PAY for their house. Bank girl quickly went through a few normal financial questions, and all their responses were aired. The blue team were boringly normal but the yellow team left me gobsmacked.

Now I know I'm verging into Cactus country here but I was shocked. When asked what the husbands income was, the response was $15.50 per hour, the wife's income was nil. They were then asked what their family assistance was and the response was $475 per week.

I do support parts of WFF, well the parts that apply to me, and I do feel that full time working parents should have some form of tax relief, standard in other countries including HK and Australia. I am a single parent in full time employment supporting myself and one child receiving no child support, or any state assistance. I get a modest little tax credit under WFF, but even after that I still pay well over $200 per week in tax which I used to think helped to run 1 pensioner, and felt ok about that as eventually it will be my turn.

However, as the show progressed, and the interiors of the houses were finished the couple were given a "special gift" from the presenter, this being a beautiful (she says with her finger down her throat) framed family photograph. Now this is where I got totally poleaxed. The yellow teams family photo had Mum, Dad and 6 children in it, 4 of which were toddlers. Holy Fuck!!

Hello.....do I need to say anything else.......

Both parents in the yellow team had student loans but I guess neither thought to study contraception. I am now having incredibly nasty thoughts along the lines of "I hope they lose". Why should they be rewarded for having 6 children on no income and relying on my tax dollars to survive. If they can figure out how to enter the show, surely they can figure out how to stop breeding.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Lesbian Loser

While watching TV last night I had one of those flashes of brilliance that one tends to get at the end of the third beer, and the result was a fully formed concept of a fabulous reality show.

As you know for many reasons I'm a big fan of "The Biggest Loser", and yes I DID watch the one series that Jillian wasn't in, and I'll even watch the new Oz one when it airs, even though it contains neither Jillian or Bob, however I digress. My new reality show is "The Lesbian Biggest Loser".

Now obesity is a problem in the lesbian community, as many dykes seem to use being gay as a reason to eat all the pies. I have lightly touched on this topic before as I can't understand why being a dyke for many means giving up all concern for their appearance, and yes I publicly admit that I'm deeply shallow and want to feel that I am attractive to all genders. However again I digress.

The format for this show is exactly the same as the current format, that is having 3 teams with 3 trainers being, Barbie, Jillian, and Jackie, or should I say straight, possible, and totally out.

Now don't you all think this is just a great idea!! I can see lesbians queuing up to take part, gosh I'd even consider eating to extreme just to get a place, oh but then I'd have to face the dilemma of "who would I prefer to train me?".

So maybe one of my dear American readers may like to pitch this idea to NBC, as a credit I'll take a week of workouts with Jillian.......no maybe Jackie.......oh, but then Barbie could be amusing..... but then if I had Jillian she might be all forceful and yell at me loudly.......but then Jackie.......oh, oh.......

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Tuesday Stats

I have just had a look at my site stats and yet again on a Tuesday night "is Jillian Michaels a Lesbian" has hit the number 1 spot in the keyword analysis. Why is this? It always peaks on a Tuesday night but then by Friday, when I would expect it to peak after the Biggest Loser has aired, the keyword stats are back at " Lesbians with penis" and "Wet Lesbians". Very odd, but still strangely interesting.

However, I will leave you with another wee "Air Hostess" shot that has come my way.....

Yet again evidence that you average Lesbian is very very short.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Hangover Squared

We had two parties to go to this last weekend and thus spent much of Sunday wondering if it was wise to get a second hangover as a cure for the first. I'm trying to decide if it's a hangover to the power of 2 therefore hangover squared, or hangover to the power of hangover thereby being hangover cubed. Whichever, it's not pretty.

Party number 2 was a costume party and I did so well with my trolley dolly costume that some guests thought I really was one of them. I did even better at being the perfect hostess, that at one point I introduced two people only to be told, it's ok, we're flatmates. Hummph....bloody lesbian flats, playing musical beds, how is one supposed to keep up.

All in all it was fun party, but not according to the back neighbour as at 11.45 pm he decided to get out his garden hose and attempt to dampen every one's spirits. Alas, his plan backfired as of course several of the butch lesbians, namely those in firefighter and rescue service outfits, decided to fight back much to the amusement of all. It really was horribly unfair of the neighbour as the music was extremely quiet, to the point where noise control would have laughed had they have been summoned.

Of course me being me there has to be a wee bit of gossip, and that is......the threesome is back! I have touched on them before, and they are back in New Zealand for a 1 year trial.

In my previous post they were referred to as Alpha, Grumpy and Puppy by the dear Mrs Smith, but from henceforth they are now Alpha, Leather and Puppy. Alpha and Leather were the only two at the party as Puppy isn't due to arrive in the country till today. As said this was a costume party, well actually a uniform party. Alpha and Leather were fully dressed up, the only difference being that they were wearing their own clothes. Leather, well I need say so no more, just think cliche image from top to toe. Alpha was more interesting, from a fashion perspective that is. She was wearing a green camo skirt, somewhat kilt inspired, with a black top that was very reminiscent of some early 80's Westwood/McLaren bondage gear that they used to sell in the Worlds End shop. Finished off with the obligatory combat boots. I look forward to the impact this crew is going to have on the delicate Wellington lesbian scene, especially Leather in her full outfit. Methinks the boys are going to be drooling as well.

I also look forward to introducing them to baby AV techie dyke. Please see the final comment on the post I've linked to above and you'll get my drift. Naturally I am very interested in how the dynamic of their relationship works, and is it similar or different from philosophy that techie dyke proposes.

Watch this space.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Bye Bye Leg Wax?

Don't know if any of you caught this story on John-boys show last night but I'm gutted.

The spa owner in question has a habit of doing silly things to her computer till it says NO, I'm not going to play anymore, then comes and gets me to fix it and make it happy again. For doing these little helpful tasks I get free waxes, eyebrow tints and massages from her geisha girls. You know, that's how the green economy works.

I do fully believe she's as guilty as sin, and her latest shipment of geisha's have been just wonderful, so of course they should not be treated a slave labour. But, since this is all about ME, I now fear for the future of my free treatments.

(mutter mutter, yes I know, on a deeply personal political level I should be boycotting her altogether, but, but, but....)
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