Skinny Jeans

.......or maybe this should read "you know you're old when"......... However, skinny jeans another fashion phase I'm just going to let pass me by. Been there, done that, and know I'm well tough cos that was in the days before they started putting lycra into the denim.

I've been observing this current fashion trend on those around me, not on the child as she has skinny genes and has trouble finding jeans to fit, however there are plenty of examples roaming the streets. And of course many examples who could do with a visit to Trinny and Susannahs mirror torture capsule.

Now I really know I'm old because in my mind the back pockets of your jeans should sit pertly, slightly above the the largest, roundest part of the buttock. Nowadays, due to the low rise it appears that the pockets now sit on the back upper thigh. I spotted an extreme case last night, a male fashion victim who had on to die for purple corduroy's, skin tight to a few inches above the knee then sagging from the top down a la gangsta boy. His pockets were just above the knee.

I'm still trying to figure out how he would manage to use the pockets as he seemed to have ordinary length arms.

More Unanswered Questions

You guessed it, Millie Elder/Holmes.

I know the media are stressing that Paul Holmes adopted her while married to Hine so yes technically he is her "father", but why is her mother not around. Why was Hine not at court? Where is her biological father? Seems very odd that the person Millie runs to is not a biological relative.

And yes I know that Mr Holmes is high profile, has clout and very sharp expensive lawyers who will no doubt be able to make this disappear with no more than a smack on the hand, or at worse a bit of community service, but don't you think this going to make Dr Hine look bad.

Personally I find the ethics of this a bit disturbing, as it appears right now that Dr Hine is quite prepared to use the power of "celebrity" to help get her daughters charges reduced, an option that poor little Susan Nobody doesn't have. I'd much rather have a Doctor that stood up and said "yes my daughter has broken the law, but I am standing by her not matter what the outcome is".

Oh well, then again, maybe Dr Hine is just practising dodgy ethics so she can audition for a role on "House" now that it seems that Forman is leaving!

Worst night out ever!

Well I figured we'd sat on the sofa for far too long so decreed that "we are going out". As I've mentioned before there is in each major city regular lesbian dance nights held at different venues. Auckland manages to hold two regular events a month, Wellington struggles to have one. These events are usually "fundraisers" for something and for the last few months in Wellers it's been for Reclaim the Night, and No Diet Day etc, HOWEVER this particular Saturday night it was again a fundraiser for the Amazon softball team. Now after the last Amazon event I attended I swore Never Again, and in hindsight should have stayed with that sweeping statement, but instead I thought well it's a different venue, there's 2 DJ's, I haven't been out dancing for so long, lets give it a go. Should have just stayed on the sofa! We arrived at the venue and duly paid our cover charge to get in. It was all very quiet on the lower level so went up to check the dance space. I saw they had hired in a good sized sound system, full stop, all good finishes there.

I now have a few vital tips should anyone wish to hold a dance night or attempt to DJ:

SOUNDCHECK:
This is something that is done during the day, before the punters arrive. The mixing desk with your sound system has lots of dials and faders so you can fiddle round with the eq at all different frequencies and tune the amp and speakers to the room you are in. You should also play through a few different tunes and get a good sound across all mediums ie. vinyl and cd, so that one only needs a mere tweak on the decks controls at showtime. Soundcheck at no point should be done when the punters are there and on the dancefloor. It is very irritating to dancers to have the mix suddenly lose all bass, then rattle out loud around the 2 - 3 k frequencies, then disappear to an mere echo because someone has found the phase dial. Dancers usually like a bit of kick arse bass in the mix, it stirs the nether regions to the task at hand.Soundcheck is also usually better done by one person and not a committee of 3 or more.

BPM:
Also known as "beats per minute". A BPM of around 120 is what usually gets the punters hips and knees jiggling, so if you want people to dance it's a fairly good idea to play music around that tempo. Likewise the aim of a DJ is to keep the punters on the floor once they've finally started dancing. Playing one cool tune then following up with a bad one so you can watch the dancers leave the floor is not usually in a DJ's job description.

CUEING UP AND DROPPING IN:
This is what you do between each song, that is what the headphones are for. The idea is that you cue up the next song, and when the one you are playing is winding down you drop the next tune in on the beat OR you mix it under and fade up on the new, and down on the old. That is why direct drive turntables and hand control cd decks were invented so you can seamlessly blend from one tune to another. You do not wait until the current playing tune is finished then count to 5 and start the next one. Please see above, the idea is to KEEP the punters on the dancefloor.

So, needless to say we moved on and went to another venue. It was of course still too early in the evening to have many punters, but it had a solid wall of dancefloor sound, the beats were up and the tunes were mixed smoothly so finally had a wee dance.

If any of you dear readers feel like sending this link to either the Amazons or Our Bar please feel free. I've just checked my outbox and I see I sent a complaint email to the Amazons organisor on 4 October 2006, I'm still waiting for a response.

Still 3 Hours Missing and no Lion Man

I see everyone is finally calming down on the latest hot topic, and though it all is very very sad for the family involved and the poor contractor, something still seems odd about it all. The politicians jumped on it as a point scoring game turning it into a media circus and thereby clouding the true reality, but helloooo the election is still a year away, your average voter will have forgotten it by then. As Mr Farrar points out the politicians need to back off so the real story can come out.

So I, and no doubt many others as well, want to know what happened after the power was turned off. We're told three hours went by, what happened in that time? Was no effort made to run a power cord from the neighbours, were no medical people consulted, what were the family members doing, and a million other questions as to why it appears nothing was done before or after. Will this ever be revealed now that the media has turned the whole business into a political hot potato with their, as usual, totally unbiased reporting.

My other concern is that this pushed the Lion man story off top billing, as this was getting to the very very interesting stage. We had Mr Lion man doing a poor me act "I came home and saw something no husband should have to see, and I reacted". Oh whatever! He saw his wife in bed with another couple (the wife of which is hot Hot HOT) and he threw a major tanty cos he wasn't invited. Then we get the wife and the "best friends" saying "we were just comforting her because her husband had told her the marriage is over". Yeah right. Just giving her comforting cuddles while they were naked in bed, and she in a moment of comfort took off her top and crawled in with them, it was all innocent. Right! Well that's what we all do isn't it when we have friends visiting. Xie if you're reading this I expect the same treatment from you and J boy next time I visit.

I think there's a little bit of truth to each side of that story, but I guess they're all breathing a sigh of relief now it's no longer hot topic of the week. I of course hope it gets resurrected cos the other woman is HOT, I can see why the Lion Man would spit the dummy cos he wasn't allowed to play with her as well.

Pasta Rollers and Undergarments

On ANZAC day while I was partaking in New Zealands favourite hobby, shopping on a public holiday, I bought a pasta roller. We were actually looking for a microwave oven and I got sidetracked, I also managed to fix the broken microwave later that day so felt justified with my new purchase. I was somewhat skeptical when I purchased the pasta roller as at full price it barely hit the $50 mark, and with the public holiday special it came in at a nice price of $35.00. I chuckled and chortled delightedly over my new toy and even made references to "how much pasta could I roll for $35.00?". 4 pieces is the answer to that one. I found that not only were the instructions backwards but where the manufacturer claimed the closest setting was 0.2 millimetres I figured they had the decimal point in the wrong place. I returned the roller the next day and was given a replacement. So I wondered "how much pasta could I roll with this one?". The answer to that is 8 pieces. This time the rollers jammed, and the spacing lever refused to lock into place. I gave the roller a severe beating with the detachable handle, but strangely it still refused to work. So on Queens Birthday I returned it and requested my money back. Of course I was not given cold hard, but vouchers instead, and as I had just recently read one of Mrs Smiths posts and realised I was guilty of not upgrading undergarments often enough I decided to invest the vouchers in the lingerie department.

So started the slow tortuous trek through the knicker and bra department. Made a random check on my favourite knickers, just to find they are still a discontinued line and the new replacements still aren't quite the same. Then went to check over favourite bra stocks and voila, looky here, they have a new MAGIC, increase by a whole cup size, new product. I was hooked. As I'm of the build where cleavage is not a natural thing I regularly get seduced by manufacturers claims that they can create cleavage where none exists, and will force myself into bra's to see if their claims are correct. The end results are usually hilarious; imagine 2 eggs centered on ones chest, close together to create the desired "cleavage" line, and painful. To get that much flesh together I am forced to include parts of my underarms so not only do I get cleavage but is has a 3 day growth as well. So this new magic bra looked as if it would work, and it had some wonderful new padding filler in it (and special laundering instructions). So I trotted off and tried it on. Yes it did work, I was a whole, if not more, than a cup size larger but there was one tiny problem. My boobs now looked as if they were slung around my waist. I looked and pondered and finally it dawned as to what the problem was. The new "MAGIC" filler product made the garment so heavy that when it was on it sagged and the only remedy was to commit the crime of shortening the straps so they dug into the flesh to try and haul everything to where it was meant to be. Bra unceremoniously left on the changing room floor, vouchers still to be redeemed.

Fashion Crime

I have committed a fashion crime, and being the giving person that I am, I am willing to admit it. Not only is it a fashion crime, but it is almost a heinous fashion crime.

It is a fashion crime for many reasons as follows:

1: it was purchased from one of the child's favourite stores, that nasty Australian one starting with "S" that no one can pronounce properly. Does it end in eeeee, or ay, or just a grunt. As Trinny and Susannah will tell you, mothers should NOT be purchasing clothing at teenagers stores.

2: it is made from synthetic fabric. I do concede that all chiffon these days is predominantly synthetic as no one can afford true silk chiffon anymore (Mrs Smith excluded), but I did find the need to grease my arms with a good quality moisturiser to stop it clinging with static. The body of the garment is saved as it is lined.

3:the part that almost makes it heinous....it is a smock! I confess that along with bell bottoms and platform soles I NEVER thought smocks would return, but lordy me here they are again.


You may wonder since the garment is such a crime why did I buy it, well it looks truly lovely on, and I had to go out that night and had nothing to wear. It's such a lovely little number, all floaty and with frilly bits in all the places I like frilly bits to be, and a beautiful deep scooped neckline which hints at a cleavage that isn't there. I have just had a look at the stores website and found that it is in fact a dress!!


I now have a new dilemma as of course NONE of my jackets go perfectly with the new top. I have a vision in my mind of the perfect little shaped velvet (cut cord at a pinch) jacket to complete the look and I know I'm just not going to rest till I find it.

Poor old Isabella

I have only in the last few days discovered that Isabella Blow died last week, and was buried on Tuesday. Very fittingly the casket bore a hat by Philip Treacy, but I do wonder what they clothed her in? Judging by the very interesting wikipedia article I imagine it won't be Alexander McQueen.


Though all death is very sad, for someone like myself who just devours biographies, diaries and collected letters I imagine there will soon be some new literature on her life to read, and just the links from the above article are enough to keep me interested for a while.


R.I P. to another quirky interesting woman who contributed in her own way to the fashion and style we have today.

Boredom AAA++

I am currently in a wee lull at the moment so have been spending the time very productively editing a database. This as you know is a fairly dull task so while one side of the brain is going "save/delete" the other is able to concentrate on more interesting things, though quite possibly equally as useless and boring. My reward for another hour completed is a quick scan down my blog list to see if anyone has anything new, so those of you with site stats...Yes it's me clicking through several times a day.

One thing I've been pondering is that favourite blogger Cactus Kate often makes reference to Helen Clark's coterie of lesbians surrounding her in Parliament, which set me thinking about lesbians in our capital city. When I first arrived in this city a few years ago I thought the place was just heaving with lesbians as I kept seeing all these rather mannish creatures everywhere in bad suits and with short haircuts. After a few attempts at socialising in the "scene" I soon realised that this was not the case and it was in fact a completely separate sub genre altogether. I of course have named them and they are Spinsters With Awfully Bad Haircuts.

Oooh spinster, now isn't that an interesting emotionally laden word, and funny how bachelor doesn't quite have the same response. Picture Justin Timberlake and the word bachelor, it fits, now picture Cameron Diaz and the word spinster, doesn't quite gel. However the emotion of language is not the point of this blog. Back to the SWABH's.

I don't understand, why do they do it? If they have no interest in sex, I can understand, likewise no interest in men, can understand, scared to face up to sexuality issues again understand, but none of these are reasons to wear such awful suits and have such nasty haircuts. I myself have gone through several periods of self decided celibacy, once in my early 20's for a couple of years, and again more recently, but never NEVER have I let that be a reason to be badly dressed or coiffed. I may not have been interested in sex with either gender but goodness me I'll make damn sure I'm still well turned out and pleasing on the eye of any who wish to ogle.

I guess these women have deep psychological issues and think they are dealing with it by appearing unattractive to all. Too scared to even open the closet door and see whats inside let alone step in and out of it. Employment wise they also tend to be someone seniors closest assistant, and thereby satisfy emotional needs by being totally indispensable to someone. "It doesn't matter what I look like, my boss couldn't cope without me" . This may be so sisters, but it's still not an excuse to look so bad.

Trinny and Susannah where are you?

Weddings....Bah Humbug

There is a large wedding expo on in the city this weekend where all the desperate and tragic wanna be brides and their mothers can trawl through the large amount of product and services on display in a futile attempt to glean some inspiration that they can then try and reproduce disastrously at their local hockey rooms.

We have a display stand there, an extremely large and beautiful one it is, and of course vastly superior to any of the others. After the set up I don't usually work these events as operations is my forte, but as expected the sales department has come grovelling....BIG grovelling, so of course I will be there.

I am most displeased about having to work this show for two reasons. One being that the hours involved (16.30 to 20.30 on a Saturday evening) are some of my most pleasurable hours of the week. This is of course drinks and pottering in the kitchen time. Sometimes drinks time takes command but always magically a fabulous gourmet meal is created even though I'm unaware of doing it. The other reason it displeases me is that I have to be NICE to people.

As you all know when the masses descend on an expo all they are after is free stuff. Well ha ha to them because I'm giving away diddly shit this year, and if they want to take advantage of my competition they have to book a wedding to do so. I'm so looking forward to seeing all the crestfallen faces when they realise that not only is there no fudge to run off with, but also NO chance of a free hotel night either. You people know who you are, funny how we see your faces every year, I mean how many times are you going to get married?

Another thing I will find amusing this year is the faces of the males in attendance. What a bunch of hen pecked, thumb printed wusses they will be, because even I know that there is a rugby game on that night, and I DON'T DO BALL sports. Any male who goes to the expo this Saturday night may as well hand in their balls now.

I am presently practising hard how to be civil and polite and to not verbalise the bleeding obvious. I have a list of things I am not going to say:

"Don't do it, take the money and run"
"You can chat to me all you want but it's quite obvious that you can not afford me"
"I only do weddings for people with style"
"You want to marry THAT!"
"I would suggest you stop sampling the pies"
"and is Mum coming on the honeymoon too?"

Yet again, I'm sure I'm going to offend someone on the night.

Lesbian Heaven?

Now isn't this just every Lesbians dream tree! No need for those expensive bits of silicon from D'Vice.

I have a great urge to source some seeds and send them off to the anti-penetration league.