Lesbian Wet Dreams (versions 1 & 2)

It's the return of "The Biggest Loser" featuring special guest trainer Jillian Michaels this evening (see below). From the promo shown this week the show will be creating slime on many lesbian couches around the country tonight. Not only is she brought in as a surprise trainer BUT she arrives on huge fuck off motorbike in full leathers. All very cliche of course, but will no doubt start another flurry of Internet debate as to "is she or isn't she".

I have blogged about this question before, and the motorbike arrival will again ignite debate. As pointed out before she is a partner in fully out Jackie Warner's gym and Jackie also rides a fuck off huge motorbike in full leathers. Need I say more. I look forward to checking my site stats tomorrow.

In our house we have decided that we don't care if she's gay or not, she is just HOT, and she's welcome to come and train and scream at us anytime. I would even do ab work for Jillian!!

And on to wet dream #2. This weekend is a lesbian dance night in the city. I have blogged before about how dire previous Wellington events have been and it seems I wasn't the only one who felt that way. A pair of gorgeous young women have taken matters into their own hands and created a new event and are doing everything right. Good music, great sound system, no breaks for slash-your-wrist-singers in the middle. My one peeve is that the only bubbles available at the current venue is NASTY. It's the Matua stuff with the silver label and pretty stars on it. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

The last event the Ice team held was just before Xmas, it was a very quiet night but we had loads of fun. I took baby techie dyke out with us. Even though she has lived in this country for a year it was the first time she'd been out "on the scene". What a laugh! I felt like some mad scientist who'd just created a new pet in the lab and thrown it out to the masses to see what would happen. I was so proud.

As it was holidays she'd dealt to her "corporate" look and given herself a full mowhawk, not a Beckham style faux hawk, but the full works, long down the centre and fully shaved on the sides. She turned up in her best androgynous clothes, with the correct amount of designer label knicker elastic showing above her low slung boy jeans, then took off her shirt to show her skimpy little singlet.

She had all the moves and during a pool game seduced the corner of the table with a pole dance inspired hip grind. She was 'fresh meat', and the punters sitting round the bar were drooling into their drinks and sliding off their bar stools. It's guaranteed they will have worn out the batteries on their BOG's (battery operated girlfriend) when they got home that night.

I' m planning on taking the new pet out again this weekend as there will be a whole fresh set of hormones to titillate.

Swoon Swoon

Oh my, oh my, it's almost too much for a girl to take in. Both House and the Biggest Loser featuring Jillian Michaels starting back in the same week.

Sadly a fukkin client meeting at 8pm this evening may interrupt my House viewing........yes, yes, it's wedding; you say I do, I do, eat some food, drink some booze then bugger off and squabble for the next 10 years, so could you bugger off now cos House is about to start.

Oh well, guess it's the trusty old video machine to the rescue....but trust me, come 7.30pm Thursday evening I will be glued, totally glued.

First Dayitis

First day back at work after almost a month off and I'm over it already, and that's ovah..O..V..A..H!

It's barely past lunchtime and I want to go home. I was fully into the groove of holiday mode and I haven't finished my current book. Plus the renovations here aren't finished yet so the floor has no air conditioning. Maybe that's an OSH issue, and we all should be sent home for intolerable working conditions.

The trip to Melbourne was pure bliss, though I did discover there is such a thing as too much shopping, and the child wants to move there now. I do confess to having a wee look at job vacancies there, plus doing the number crunching via Mr Farrars blog shows I would be vastly better off financially. Funny how when one was 25 it was easy to pack up everything and move countries, and now suddenly when one is slightly more than that age it all seems a tad too hard.

I would post some holiday snaps, but as the camera belongs to the child pictures of Mummy don't feature very much. Interestingly as well, is that when she is showing people the pictures of her on the upside down going rides at Luna Park she zooms in to herself clutching the handrail, but fails to point out our kind host who was sitting next to her. Oh, that's right, he wasn't her therefore he doesn't exist.

It was her birthday yesterday and again the friend that owns Singstar came around with said software and equipment, again reinforcing in my mind that the inventor of that game will be first against the wall......

It's now rolling round to Rugby 7's time again, oh la de dah, didn't we do this last year.

Hello Again.....briefly

Gosh it's been a while since I've been here, can I remember how it all goes. I'm now mid holiday and having a wee child free break between adventures to rest and recuperate and build up reserves before attacking the malls in Melbourne with teenagers in tow.

We survived Christmas day with all my family (seething martyrs) and the paternal Grandparents. I did start muttering at approximately 10am never ever again, remove my phones and computer if I ever talk of a family Christmas again. Grandad did well though. He drank two and a half bottles of wine all on his own. He started on a red which he consumed at a moderate rate, then during the post lunch 45 minute walk he killed 90% of a chardonnay, then started on the one bottle of GOOD wine that I obviously hadn't hidden well enough. Not bad for a 79 year old. Still can't understand why I was instructed to ensure their hotel room was a twin, but they then only slept in the one bed.

We then managed a few days in Auckland sans enfants. I've just been checking the bank balance and had a wee chortle at the eclectic list of eftpos transactions. Everything from the Ponsonby Pool Hall to Dorothy's Sister. We did a major stroll through Mrs Smith country, so close and yet so far. I thought there was some hideous freak show on, but after reading Mrs Smiths latest posts I realise now it was just the locals with their straightened urine yellow hair and nicotine yellow fake tans.

We were obviously the most striking and gorgeous couple that Ponsonby road has seen for some time, with a stranger begging to take our photo's. Sadly I had my travelling handbag with no business cards in it to hand out, so haven't managed to get copies of said pictures.

The chocolate and cocktail food diet has failed with severe anaemia and an ear infection setting in. That coupled with being banned from ALL exercise by the physio has meant the super svelte physique is fading. I so LONG to be able to run again. I so LONG to see the belt on my jeans when I sit down as well.

I am now about to go and break the news to the children that in order to catch the plane tomorrow and fit in their standard preening they will need to get up at 3.30AM. Child abuse # 5 methinks.

The Melbourne weather report is predicting over 30c most days for the next week, bliss. I will melt.