Saturday, December 27, 2008

No Smoking

Hair dryers are not meant to smoke, I'm sure I'm 100% correct in saying that. Bloody thing, it played perfectly fine yesterday yet today when I flicked the switch it went crackle, pop, hiss, and then just to totally show off made a nasty smell and a plume of smoke.

I am bereft, a hairdryer is a femmes equivalent of a butches power tool. I do have the advanced child abuse hair straighteners hidden away somewhere, but they're not the same.

I fear my lovely Christmas vouchers are no longer going to be turned into new lingerie.

Monday, December 22, 2008

New Goal

As you all know for purely shallow reasons I greatly admire Jillian Michaels, in much the same way that Cactus does Dan Carter, and in this blog I have frequently queried Jillians sexuality.
It appears that I am not the only lesbian on the planet who wonders as to the goddesses gender preference as this site gets hit hundreds of times every day by people asking the question "is Jillian Michaels gay ?"
It appears the answer is YES!
I have recently received a comment on an old post saying that yes Jillian is gay, and yes as I have surmised she dated Jackie Warner, and, that Jillian has just broken up with her current girlfriend. And cos I'm feeling tetchy today I'm not going to link to the blog post, you can all go searching for it. I did ponder briefly if the comment was genuine or a pisstake, but I reason that as over 30,000 women have been here in the last year asking "the" question, and that this is the first comment that has been left, I am taking it as true, and bless the other commenter's who are now so concerned that Jillian's privacy has been invaded.
So German Lufthansa long haul airline pilot, I know that you have one attribute that no other has, and that is being taller than I, but sorry darling, it's all over.

I now have a whole new focus for my positive affirmations.

I'm now seriously considering selling the child to raise the funds to get to Los Angeles to start the wooing process. Oooh, wonder how many personal training sessions I would have to purchase to get to the first date. Swoon, swoon. I'd even do abs for Jillian.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Where Did I Go Wrong?

The child has an athletics team barbeque this evening and has to "take a plate". Now most teenagers would ask for a pack of sausages or a bag of crisps with a punnet of dip. Not this one apparently.

What has she requested.........pesto palmiers! And yes the house slave has them in the oven cooking right now.

Friday, December 19, 2008


Once again I'm asking you lot for help. Silly, silly me set the iPod up on my work pc, and have sorted and filed all my tunes on there and loaded it onto the iPod. I did this thinking I would just be able to upload all the tunes from the iPod onto the laptop, however after over an hour of trying and searching manuals and the Apple site I can't seem to find a way to do it.

The only option I can see is to manually transfer all the music files as mp3's from the pc to the laptop, then once again file, tidy, and recreate my playlists to mirror the pc....oh tedium, tedium.....

And too funny. While writing this I had a call from a lovely geek girl, Whaleoil had asked her to call me about our work email issues. Bless, I love the cyber world, however after chatting with her it seems I am going to have to do the tedium method.

Oh bloody bloody lovely sexy iPod, why can't I upload from you?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Open Invitation

The girls are having a Big Night Out tomorrow, so come along, the more the merrier.

We're meeting at S & M's around 10'ish then on to Club Ivy later on to test out the dance floor.

See you all there.

Oh, and for those who don't know the rules, if you wish to talk with me a glass of bubbles is the best way to attract my attention, the better quality of the bubbles the more I'll talk.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Suggestions Please

Yes I know I'm bleating on and on about the new toy, but it's given me so much pleasure that I have to keep talking about. And NO to you new readers I'm not referring to a D'Vice toy but the new iPod. You must realise that the last personal player I owned, although it was also red, only played magnetic tape.

I took it for it's first run on Monday, and after a few minutes of battling the flapping wires and figuring how to thread it through my singlet, we were away. Oh bliss. It's so odd how much easier it seems to run with your own tunes plugged in your ears, though a few times I did have to resist the urge to wave my hands in the air or play air guitar. Must also make my playlists a tad longer.

However, I have struck one small problem for which your suggestions would be most welcome. When I hit the 5k mark the earpieces start to slide out of my ears due to sweat, and again NO the answer is not to run less than 5k as that is just a warm up. I've thought about getting the overhead earphones, but then wouldn't be able to put my cap on when running outside. And Otter, before you mention it I'm not even going to consider gaffa'ing them to my head, as much as I loooove gaffa tape I have no intention of running round looking like one of those rugby players about to shove his head between the legs of another sweaty male.

So, ideas anyone?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Girl Logic

And it's about shopping of course.

I went to the new Apple store across the road to look at accessories for my new toy, as I needed one of the arm bands thingies so I could safely take it running, having learnt the hard way what happens if you don't have one.

The nice boy showed me the products they have in store and after looking at the price tags I had to have a little sit down and a wee cup of tea to recover. Not wishing to attempt heart failure again I waited a day or two before looking in other stores.

I tried a large Australasian chain sports store, but the product they had was not pretty and not much cheaper. Finally yesterday I went to trusty Duck Smuffs and voila I was in luck.

Not only did they have a choice of products but the price was so favourable that I was able to purchase an arm band AND a dvd player for only a tenner more than what I didn't pay in the Apple store!! Excellent shopping skills methinks.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

21st Century Communication

As you know my family is a very modern 21st century split family. Number 2 daughter lives with me in Wellington, and number 1 daughter attends boarding school in the same city as her Father and the Stepmother. That's his version of parenting.

The main method of communication between myself and the children is by text, as they are teenagers and that is their main form of communication with everyone. I buy them a $10 top up each month which they use for whatever deals they have on their phones. Both of them have deals that give them 2000 plus text a month, but of course restricted only to phones on the same network. The Father is on the other network, and his employer picks up all his phone bills.

Mummy of course is wise and cautious and uses a plan that gives her only 500 texts a month to all networks, and this is where the 21st century bit comes in.

Mummy is now the telephone exchange. When a child needs to contact the Father they text Mummy saying, "please get Dad to call me". Mummy then texts the Father and says, "please phone whichever daughter". In fact most texts from myself to the Father say only that, except for the one last night which reads," why the fuck is your daughter sitting in her car in the driveway of her own house and can't get in because your fukking wife won't let her have a key to her own home."

Funnily I've had no reply to that one.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


I haven't been able to lift weights for the last few weeks due to work and a wee shoulder/neck problem. I'm now having physio for that so no weights till I get the all clear.

Now I have managed to injure my lower back, bloody work again, and have just been to physio for that and have been banned from running also.

This is not good, I do not cope well with no exercise. I need my regular endorphin fix to be at peace with the world. I fear the staff are going to bear the brunt, and if they think I'm grumpy now they've got a whole new level coming.

Oooh, just realised that neither physio has told me I can't swim. I'm sure I can put up with the constant dripping sinus reaction to the pool chemicals, a small price to pay for an endorphin fix.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Angelic ?

......and so the party season begins.......

.......not a trace of tarnish in sight!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Vote Now!

It's not very often that the unpclesbian tells people to vote, but in this case it's very important.

The lovely people over at Wellingtonista are having their annual awards for all things good in Wellington. One of the categories is best coffee, and as we all know my coffee boys are the best. So all you lovely readers head over there now and vote, and to make it easy you can just click here and you're already there.

So go now and vote, vote, vote!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Petrosexual Heaven

On Sunday I did a little road trip, and as this was in my pre i-Pod days I had to rely on magnetic tape and commercial radio stations for my sounds along the way, as the nana mobile has no cd player. Being an Active girl myself there was a lot of channel surfing as the hearty bonhomie of the dj's and excessive commercials just winds me up.

However, I did manage to catch one commercial that was on high rotate and it was advertising a petrosexual event, which now I find is apparently old news. Jeremy (swoon), Hamster and The Stig are coming to New Zealand for some form on Top Gear show in the new year. Now there's something to put on the Christmas wish list!

And on a completely different note, what I should be doing - the end of week invoices and end of month number crunching. What I have been doing - getting intimate with iTunes. I am now currently researching the BPM on all the music I have on this pc, as I have just discovered I can sort and create under this heading. I love new software and toys.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Child Abuse # 7

Though this really is child abuse from afar, or even child abuse by proxy.

When I returned to work this morning a Concierge boy was jiggling with excitement as he had a parcel for me. As first I thought the sperm donor had finally sent the Pinot Gris that he keeps promising, but no the box was too small. I opened the box to look at the packing slip, thinking it was for a client, then I got very confused as I saw a familiar name on the slip, also a wee note to tell me to stop whinging. I then looked at what was in the box and suddenly did a little dance of joy right there in the lobby.

There is a Santa Claus and she lives in Hong Kong. Cactus has sent me an i-Pod Nano, and to show how much class and taste this woman has, she's sent me a red one to match my phone. And to think she's not even gay!!

After an hour of admiring the lovely little box it is packed in, gosh even the packaging is stylish, I finally realised I would need to charge it up to make it go. That was when I discovered it has been inscribed on the back, which reads, "To the most un-PC of all. Children Keep Hands Off". I roared when I saw that, and have been chuckling on and off all day.

Oh, this is advanced child abuse and even exceeds the hair straightener game. I texted number 1 daughter to tell her, and the immediate response was "not fair" and that I have to give it to her as BOTH her mp3 players are sucky. Number 2 daughter is still at athletics in Canberra with no phone. She will not be happy when she sees it. I fear a whole new level of manipulation tactics form her when she returns.

So far I have managed to download the software and load all the music from this pc on to it. I am currently listening to "Anarchy in the UK" , because it starts with "A" and I haven't figured how to sort and file stuff yet. I must get that all under control before the child returns, as I'm not going to stoop to ask for help.

This is one happy little Lesbian.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Short Life and Fast Times

.....and no I'm not referring to the biography of John Belushi written by the man who managed to bring the word impeachment into everyday vocabulary, but in fact I'm talking of your average Lesbian relationship.

Recently I have been on the outside looking in at the lightening speed creation, and equally as swift implosion of a lesbian relationship involving some friends, the fall out of the affair on others and the life changing moves made by those involved, and realised that all this has been driven by passion.


[pash-uhn] Show IPA Pronunciation
1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.
3. strong sexual desire; lust.
4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.
5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.
6. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.

1125–75; ME (< class="ital-inline">passiōn- (s. of passiō) Christ's sufferings on the cross, any of the Biblical accounts of these (> late OE passiōn), special use of LL passiō suffering, submission, deriv. of L passus, ptp. of patī to suffer, submit; see -ion

Those are just a few of the definitions listed. I personally have made life altering changes all in the name of passion for another woman so fully understand the strength and intensity of the emotion, but now find myself wondering "do heterosexual couples feel this strongly?", as no man has made me feel as a woman does. I guess the answer to that is yes, as I know that one of my darling readers will comment that world wars have been started over passion.

I then get sidetracked along the path of why does one person inspire such depth of feeling in oneself, when another who seemingly has the same attributes doesn't? What modern marketing calls X factor, and the French call je ne sais quoi. Something we encounter everyday, one person irritates the fuck out of you, yet another who appears the same is your best friend.

However as usual I'm digressing, as of course with the title of the short life and fast times it seems that passion burns out. Why is this so? My own personal theory in the lesbian world is because of the second date syndrome. As I have mentioned before Lesbians very quickly go from first date to full on intense moving in together, as exhibited by my friends, then to implosion. I now strongly believe that the everyday kills passion, and the easiest way to kill and thoroughly deaden a passionate relationship is to move in together.

My current philosophy on things passionate and sexual is the chocolate box theory, and that is; I'm now going to eat the chocolates very, very slowly, one by one, and make the box last as long as possible, and all the while hoping it's a loaves and fishes box.

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