Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Sue Bradford vs Fashion

I guess as one who doesn't vote it could be taken that I should not comment at all on politicians, or the other extreme that I have the freedom to comment on everyone as I have no allegiance. As the catalyst for this blog (as with many others, I'm seeing a theme here) was fashion I can say what I bloody well like. I mean it really is a worry when the best dressed person in Parliament used to be a man, and now she's gone who's going to carry the style flag.
Since I'm talking fashion and politics I'm obviously going to have to touch on the disaster that is Helen Clark. Please, PLEASE Helen go and hire Mrs Shipley's stylist. Now Jenny is of a slightly generous build but whenever you see her she always well put together, she has been given the rules and she follows them. Helen is of a moderate body size and shape and could actually wear anything well, but she doesn't. Just because you have a piece of paper that says this goes with that it doesn't mean you have style. It has to be worked at. If I was a fashion designer she would be number one on my list of banned clients as every garment she wears looks like it was just picked up off the bedroom floor. The yellow number, throw it away! I did my best to spill her cup of tea on it the last time she was on premise, will try harder next time. And the haircut, I'm sure her hairdressers must slash their wrists every time she is seen on TV. It's NOT THAT HARD to have and maintain a low maintenance hairdo.
However, back to the original subject of this post, Ms Bradford. Now Ms Bradford in my mind has always been a rather butch looking woman with the most hideous bleached and badly permed frizz on top, wearing clothes rescued from the St Vincent de Paul reject pile, and always screaming radical left wing socialist catch phrases. Don't get me wrong, society needs extremist's at both ends of the spectrum, right and left wing, to point out the issues so compromise can be reached, but that doesn't mean they have to do it without style.
I saw Ms Bradford on TV on Sunday bleating on with her usual overly emotive language about her little bill, but I almost didn't recognise her. She had a hairdo, in fact she had a DESIGNER hairdo with little flicky bits everywhere. Not only does she have a hairdo but she also has hair colour. Now that's not very Green of you is it Sue putting all those toxic chemicals into the environment. Your co leader doesn't do it. As well as hair colour she also had make up on. I could tell because the garish pink of her lips stood out, was hard to tell with the rest of her face, but I can assume that now it's obviously OK for all those animals to be sacrificed for the sake of cosmetics research. I have now just had a look at the Greens website, and OMG you're trying to tell me that image on there is Sue Bradford, all airbrushed and butter wouldn't melt looking. Sorry Sue but two words come to mind. Sold out!
I'm a fairly gullible person and always strive to believe the best in everyone but I'm going over to the other side on this one and agreeing with those around me. Sue Bradford's interest in the bill is all about Sue Bradford, and pushing the image and career of herself, she just lucked in on a topical issue to help propel the cult of self promotion. I wouldn't be surprised if she now counted Winston Peters as a close buddy.

Friday, April 20, 2007

God's Business

I have a 3 day gig on at the moment called "Doing Business God's Way", all good except God doesn't do lunch!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Gay Business Associations

I've just deleted my name, yet again, from the mailing list of a lesbian business association which has started me pondering on the existence of these organisations. There are many around and they all identify themselves with various acronyms, but firstly identify themselves by their sexual orientation. Some examples are: ALBA, Auckland Lesbian Business Association, GAP, Gay Association of Professionals, GABA, Gay Auckland Business Association, and so on.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not mocking these associations for their actual existence as they do contribute to and run needful charitable trusts and support networks, but I do find it bizarre that they are named for their sexual orientation. This doesn't happen in the heterosexual world. Can you imagine the uproar if it did. Lets see, how about the Northern Heterosexual Workers Distribution Union, or the Heterosexual Country Womens Institute, Rotary (Heterosexual Division) you see where I'm going. If these organisations were to be named as such the Gay community would be up in arms screaming discrimination, alienation, but then still think it ok to have their own separatist groups. Reeks of double standards to me.

I also find the identification by an acronym interesting as well and have been thinking over a few....

Lesbian And Bisexual Industry Association
Southern Heterosexual Institute of Technology
Central Lesbians In Technology
Lesbians In Medical Professions
Southern Lesbian Urban Trust

And the list goes on.

Personally I can't see the point of identifying yourself in the business world by your sexual orientation. I work hard, I'm good at what I do, and the fact that I shag women is of no relevance to my career at all. I do however admit to a wee chuckle that I have women queueing for me to do their weddings, but that just reinforces my point that sexual preference is irrelevant in the professional world. If ever I need a lawyer, mechanic, doctor I am going to choose them for their ability to do the job, not by their sexual preference or the fact that they belong to a Gay business organisation.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Kim Hill gossip

While queue standing in the supermarket the Listener front page caught my eye, Kim Hill in a tizz over gossip. I very bravely ignored the signs to not read the magazines and quickly started to speed read the article. I didn't make it past the first paragraph. It appears that what has got Ms Hill hot under the collar (and possibly other places also) is an alleged rumour doing the rounds that Ruth Pretty, of catering fame, has left her husband of many years to move in with Kim Hill. I assume there was more to the article than this as it was 4 pages long with many pictures but I couldn't read anymore through the tears of laughter running down my face.

Puhleeeese. I know Ruth Pretty is a fabulous chef, and also to be admired as a successful business woman having made a lovely lifestyle out of what she does best, but to seen as lesbian lust object, no, no, no!!

Kim Hill of course is another story altogether. It is well known that she is the lust fantasy of many a lesbian, and there's an army of dykes out there just waiting for the moment to be able to say "I told you so!". And if she does ever come out there will be equally as many saying "well of course I was shagging her before, we just wanted to keep it private".

Kim Hill is what you would call "thinking womans crumpet", she is also "thinking mans crumpet" as she seems to appeal equally to both genders. Personally I think it just boils down (nudge nudge) to my specialist subject, androgyny. She may wander round in her chic little Robyn Matheson/ RJC/ Zambesi femme numbers but what is on her feet, honking great Doc Marten sandals. Trinny would have a fit. Hiding under all those layers is a gender neutral little body that is just screaming to have a go at the k.d lang or Ellen DeGeneres look. Annie Lennox (deep deep closet) does it and looks hot, even Hillary Swank was passable at it, and Chloe Sevigny did it brilliantly (swoon).

So come on Kim, make some gossip, wear some soft drag for a while. I can see it now, hordes of dumpy little grey hedgehog head lesbians slip slime-ing their way down the Terrace to RNZ house hoping to be lucky, hormone overload. Bring it on.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Decca's Letters

Would the person who currently has "Decca's Letters" on loan from the library hurry up and bloody read it!

Lesbian Fashion

Or maybe that title should read non-fashion.

I have been doing a bit of research into Lesbian fashion recently. I am able to venture out more now that the child is of the age where I don't have the babysitter tax, which of course used to limit one to a glass of tap beer (big ick) and a bag of crisps. Babysitter money can now be spent on those lovely vodka mixtures that suddenly become a good idea at 2am.

There are regular Lesbian dance nights that are held in the major cities which can be a lot of fun. Surprisingly one can get a bit of fancy footwork in on the dance floor as generally the normal lesbian slash your wrists music is kept to a minimum, but you must be prepared to groove to the tunes of your parents generation. There is a new young dj around who does the later slot, that is after 9.30pm when all good lesbians go to bed, and she pulls out some cool house tunes that one can dance to with gay abandon as the dance floor is empty by then.

There is however a distinct uniform that is worn to these events which is; badly fitting jeans with a tight t shirt on the bodies that shouldn't, and a loose (preferably check flannel) shirt on the bodies that you'd really rather see more of. I of course react to this by wearing a short skirt, fishnets, blow job boots and a see through little chiffon number on top with what ever cleavage I can muster out on show. My girlfriend, who always obliges by wearing a skimpy singlet, was recently accused of "being turned femme by living in Auckland" because she was wearing a pair of well fitting trousers from a label designer. The accuser of course was grossly, possibly morbidly obese with a shaved head to display her full head tattoos but had fortunately covered the rest of herself with the obligatory check flannel shirt and ill fitting jeans.

I now wonder where do they buy these clothes, certainly not the House of G as the zips on their jeans are only a few micro millimeters long and good lesbian jeans have buttons and zips for Africa. I'm thinking there must be a special section in Hallensteins with a sign in it that says "do these jeans fit...well if so buy the next size up!"

I am of course commenting at this point on fashion in our capital city, Auckland seems to have moved on about 10 years and joined the ranks of Sydney and other parts of the world when it comes to Lesbian attire that being; if it fits, if it looks good on you and you feel good in it THEN WEAR IT. I have genuine fashion crises when dressing to go out in Auckland as I know there will be women out there who are dressed BETTER than me.

I must also comment on hair. I have just watched "The Devil wears Prada". Grey hair CAN be chic, it doesn't need to resemble the hedgehog shaped foot scraper at the front door. No further comment needed.

This post has come about as there is a dance night coming up shortly which as well as being the usual "fundraiser" it has a theme which is "White". Oh I'm looking forward to this. White can be so unflattering and well white jeans, helloooo, Liz Hurley is about the only woman on the planet that can get away with that. The venue is going to be lit with black lights as well, puleeese....I can't even bear to think of it the image it is so bad, badly dressed lesbians glowing fluorescently, I just know I'm going to offend someone that night. Naturally I will wear sheer black with new white undergarments.

Why is it so many Lesbians think that because they shag women it means they no longer need to care about their appearance and can eat all the pies?

Investigation to continue........

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Wedding favours

I have a wedding on this Easter Saturday. It amuses me to have weddings in my portfolio. I'm good at what I do and in hot demand, and no matter how many times I tell the brides "don't do it, take the money and run", they never listen to me. Oh well, more revenue.

It has become fashionable to put little gifts at the place settings of each guest, what used to be called "party favours". Usually a little packet of pretty chocolate hearts with some vomit making twee note attached about love and happiness ever after. How blessed we are.

The current bride has just dropped off her place gifts. They are sorted into two boxes by gender. The male of the species is getting a little cellophane bag tied up with a pretty bow and containing 4 little white balls. We all know that men need more balls, so no problem there.

The female of the species is getting a little packet wrapped in pink on pink flowery paper, stuck down with a pink flower sticker. I have shown the box of gifts to many people and all have had the same answer whether male or female. Sooooo..........

I am now about to go and lay up all the female places at table with a sanitary pad.

This will be a memorable wedding.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Go Christine

While doing all my busy Mummy things last night, you know how it is slap the cat, de-flea the child, I managed to catch snippets of the JohnBoy Campbell show that was totally dedicated to the current smacking debate. Christine Rankin was one of the panel guests. She caught my eye as it appears she has finally listened to Trinny and Susannah. Her skirt was just on the knee, her colours were muted and well blended. She actually looked very Parnell, though not beiged out to blandness more salmoned (personally I feel salmon is something one should eat not wear). Her earrings still need work however as it looked very like they were trying to turn themselves into a necklace on their own accord. In amongst this vital fashion critique I did catch one snippet of her closing statement that I must repeat.
Why should a childless woman dictate to us how we raise our children.

Low blow Christine, love it.

Monday, April 2, 2007

Not happy

I am in foul mood, triggered by lazy staff. I have 22 Judges carefully balancing their cups of tea because the staff were too fukkin lazy to set up the proper space. I have an inflatable planetarium arriving; I thought it would be a nice bit of entertainment for all, but the fukkin staff have filled the area with furniture which I now have to move. Current labour laws and employment contracts mean I have to keep the staff I have, but really I feel like treating them like scrabble tiles, discarding them all, missing a turn and getting a whole new set.

And then Easter is almost here and I get to work it..........

bah, humbug...........
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