Saturday, April 7, 2007

Lesbian Fashion

Or maybe that title should read non-fashion.

I have been doing a bit of research into Lesbian fashion recently. I am able to venture out more now that the child is of the age where I don't have the babysitter tax, which of course used to limit one to a glass of tap beer (big ick) and a bag of crisps. Babysitter money can now be spent on those lovely vodka mixtures that suddenly become a good idea at 2am.

There are regular Lesbian dance nights that are held in the major cities which can be a lot of fun. Surprisingly one can get a bit of fancy footwork in on the dance floor as generally the normal lesbian slash your wrists music is kept to a minimum, but you must be prepared to groove to the tunes of your parents generation. There is a new young dj around who does the later slot, that is after 9.30pm when all good lesbians go to bed, and she pulls out some cool house tunes that one can dance to with gay abandon as the dance floor is empty by then.

There is however a distinct uniform that is worn to these events which is; badly fitting jeans with a tight t shirt on the bodies that shouldn't, and a loose (preferably check flannel) shirt on the bodies that you'd really rather see more of. I of course react to this by wearing a short skirt, fishnets, blow job boots and a see through little chiffon number on top with what ever cleavage I can muster out on show. My girlfriend, who always obliges by wearing a skimpy singlet, was recently accused of "being turned femme by living in Auckland" because she was wearing a pair of well fitting trousers from a label designer. The accuser of course was grossly, possibly morbidly obese with a shaved head to display her full head tattoos but had fortunately covered the rest of herself with the obligatory check flannel shirt and ill fitting jeans.

I now wonder where do they buy these clothes, certainly not the House of G as the zips on their jeans are only a few micro millimeters long and good lesbian jeans have buttons and zips for Africa. I'm thinking there must be a special section in Hallensteins with a sign in it that says "do these jeans fit...well if so buy the next size up!"

I am of course commenting at this point on fashion in our capital city, Auckland seems to have moved on about 10 years and joined the ranks of Sydney and other parts of the world when it comes to Lesbian attire that being; if it fits, if it looks good on you and you feel good in it THEN WEAR IT. I have genuine fashion crises when dressing to go out in Auckland as I know there will be women out there who are dressed BETTER than me.

I must also comment on hair. I have just watched "The Devil wears Prada". Grey hair CAN be chic, it doesn't need to resemble the hedgehog shaped foot scraper at the front door. No further comment needed.

This post has come about as there is a dance night coming up shortly which as well as being the usual "fundraiser" it has a theme which is "White". Oh I'm looking forward to this. White can be so unflattering and well white jeans, helloooo, Liz Hurley is about the only woman on the planet that can get away with that. The venue is going to be lit with black lights as well, puleeese....I can't even bear to think of it the image it is so bad, badly dressed lesbians glowing fluorescently, I just know I'm going to offend someone that night. Naturally I will wear sheer black with new white undergarments.

Why is it so many Lesbians think that because they shag women it means they no longer need to care about their appearance and can eat all the pies?

Investigation to continue........


9 comments:

Mrs Smith said...

This post made me laugh loud enough for other patrons in the hotel breakfast bar to look at me.

So people can actually score, while wearing flannel shirts? What a strange world we live in.

sally said...

It is one of the true mysteries of life. All the Gay men I know are immaculate dressers,yes sometimes some of the get-ups they wear scream overmanicured try-hard. My husband sneers at the overtight trousers. But I have never blanched at well turned buttocks.
Anyway, they never smell unpleasant, always have clean hair and nails and tidy shoes and no monobrows. And you should hear Gay men bitch about the parlous state of how most Lesbians dress.....

But WHY, WHY, WHY do the fanny-noshers I know dress like freezing workers?? Do Lesbians have a rogue gene that finds flannel sexy, that finds manly hiking boots the Lesbian equivalent of Manolo Blanik's? That qualifies Vaseline as a lipstick?
I could go all handwringing and see this dress as a rejection and a buffer against sexuality and sex, self-loathing and body issues. And if men aren't your thing, why the hell dress as the enemy??

unPC lesbian said...

Was about to launch into the body issue monologue, but realise that it will turn into another post, ie Lesbians and the pies.

Sally I can't seem to access your blog, your profile sounds like someone I'd like to read......help

sally said...

Hi unpc lesbian,

No blog my dear, just a profile of my dastardly self. Happy to tirade and leave comments on others' blogs, but can't be fagged clocking in regularly if I had my own blog.

Will keep reading yours , makes a refreshing change from the stock-standard PC drivel from the Lesbian community.

unPC lesbian said...

What a pity Sally. Send me some links re the stock standard lesbian community, I LOVE winding people up.

Your profile entry re loinfruit now has me pondering a post of "when do loinfruit suddenly become devil spawn?"

Brenda said...

Good to hear that Aucklanders have some fashion sense. I've just returned to Wellington after living in Europe and am quite horrified at the complete lack of dress sense in the Wellington dyke scene. That, coupled with the "there's only one gay bar" situation is kind of daunting. Why is it that Wellington's full of baby butch-like girls with big flat bums and no style?

unPC lesbian said...

Yes there are a couple of cute baby butch types out there, the only problem is NO Brains. And ditto on the gay bar thing, tho Aucklands latest gay bar on Ponse Rd has just closed down as well. What I find interesting is that when I go out to dance, gay club of course, that it's always full of boys, but I guess the answer to that is in my blog....all good lesbians are in bed by 9.30 pm!

Next weekend is a dance night at the "gay bar"...see if you can guess who I am...ha ha ha!!

brenda said...

sadly last night i was entertaining 4 seven year olds - something i will never, ever repeat - and unable to go out.
next time ... (i should be totally recognisable if you read my blog :) )

unPC lesbian said...

don't worry chick, girls night out isn't till the 12th anyway. Fuk me I wouldn't have been out being rude to brides if I coulda gone out dancing. Off blog checking now!

 
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