Lesbian Fashion

Or maybe that title should read non-fashion.

I have been doing a bit of research into Lesbian fashion recently. I am able to venture out more now that the child is of the age where I don't have the babysitter tax, which of course used to limit one to a glass of tap beer (big ick) and a bag of crisps. Babysitter money can now be spent on those lovely vodka mixtures that suddenly become a good idea at 2am.

There are regular Lesbian dance nights that are held in the major cities which can be a lot of fun. Surprisingly one can get a bit of fancy footwork in on the dance floor as generally the normal lesbian slash your wrists music is kept to a minimum, but you must be prepared to groove to the tunes of your parents generation. There is a new young dj around who does the later slot, that is after 9.30pm when all good lesbians go to bed, and she pulls out some cool house tunes that one can dance to with gay abandon as the dance floor is empty by then.

There is however a distinct uniform that is worn to these events which is; badly fitting jeans with a tight t shirt on the bodies that shouldn't, and a loose (preferably check flannel) shirt on the bodies that you'd really rather see more of. I of course react to this by wearing a short skirt, fishnets, blow job boots and a see through little chiffon number on top with what ever cleavage I can muster out on show. My girlfriend, who always obliges by wearing a skimpy singlet, was recently accused of "being turned femme by living in Auckland" because she was wearing a pair of well fitting trousers from a label designer. The accuser of course was grossly, possibly morbidly obese with a shaved head to display her full head tattoos but had fortunately covered the rest of herself with the obligatory check flannel shirt and ill fitting jeans.

I now wonder where do they buy these clothes, certainly not the House of G as the zips on their jeans are only a few micro millimeters long and good lesbian jeans have buttons and zips for Africa. I'm thinking there must be a special section in Hallensteins with a sign in it that says "do these jeans fit...well if so buy the next size up!"

I am of course commenting at this point on fashion in our capital city, Auckland seems to have moved on about 10 years and joined the ranks of Sydney and other parts of the world when it comes to Lesbian attire that being; if it fits, if it looks good on you and you feel good in it THEN WEAR IT. I have genuine fashion crises when dressing to go out in Auckland as I know there will be women out there who are dressed BETTER than me.

I must also comment on hair. I have just watched "The Devil wears Prada". Grey hair CAN be chic, it doesn't need to resemble the hedgehog shaped foot scraper at the front door. No further comment needed.

This post has come about as there is a dance night coming up shortly which as well as being the usual "fundraiser" it has a theme which is "White". Oh I'm looking forward to this. White can be so unflattering and well white jeans, helloooo, Liz Hurley is about the only woman on the planet that can get away with that. The venue is going to be lit with black lights as well, puleeese....I can't even bear to think of it the image it is so bad, badly dressed lesbians glowing fluorescently, I just know I'm going to offend someone that night. Naturally I will wear sheer black with new white undergarments.

Why is it so many Lesbians think that because they shag women it means they no longer need to care about their appearance and can eat all the pies?

Investigation to continue........