Wedding favours

I have a wedding on this Easter Saturday. It amuses me to have weddings in my portfolio. I'm good at what I do and in hot demand, and no matter how many times I tell the brides "don't do it, take the money and run", they never listen to me. Oh well, more revenue.

It has become fashionable to put little gifts at the place settings of each guest, what used to be called "party favours". Usually a little packet of pretty chocolate hearts with some vomit making twee note attached about love and happiness ever after. How blessed we are.

The current bride has just dropped off her place gifts. They are sorted into two boxes by gender. The male of the species is getting a little cellophane bag tied up with a pretty bow and containing 4 little white balls. We all know that men need more balls, so no problem there.

The female of the species is getting a little packet wrapped in pink on pink flowery paper, stuck down with a pink flower sticker. I have shown the box of gifts to many people and all have had the same answer whether male or female. Sooooo..........

I am now about to go and lay up all the female places at table with a sanitary pad.

This will be a memorable wedding.