Friday, May 30, 2008

All Quiet on the Southern Front

As ones life has again been spun into turmoil, inane attempts at blog humour are a bit thin on the ground.

In the fashion of Mr Clooney I am again single, so I'm very involved in re establishing my life's order, with accommodation being top of the list. At first I thought I'd find somewhere new for the child and I to nest, but it appears that with the current vast increase in rental prices all I can afford are cold damp hovels with peeling wallpaper, not conducive to cosy nesting. The property I looked at today has totally confirmed that I stay put.

So option 2 is to have a "stranger" move in......I haven't had a "flatmate" for over 20 years, I'm not relishing that idea either. However as I can offer them their own private lounge space it may not be too intrusive. Time will tell.

So it's back to the life of celibacy and singledom, and this time I'm not going to break the vow.

No more women and men still seem a bit icky, so it's back to just me the children and my braincells.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Orange Rampage

I see the Orange brigade are on the rampage again trying to get people to enrol to vote. I must say I'm amazed at how easily they give up on trying to track you down, gosh the old TV licensing crew showed more tenacity.

I never intentionally fell off the grid when it came to voting, it was purely by accident. I'd worked my normal full day lunch service (200 pax) then at 5pm closed that restaurant and drove the 40k back to town and my second job, so by the time night service had finished the election was over. By that time it was bed for me then back to work in the morning so the election never really registered. (As an aside DPB recipients please note 2 jobs is how a single mother survives without bludging off the taxpayer or even the sperm donor.)

Several months passed and it dawned on me that maybe the Government had changed, I can't actually recall, but really nothing had changed intrinsically in my life as a result.

Again I never made a decision to not enrol, it was an accident due to moving houses at the time and forgetting to send the papers in. When I realised that had happened and the world still turned it then became a bit of a game for me to see how far the Orange crew would go to get me back on the books. Not very hard it seems. Orange envelopes are turning up at my house for current residents and the owners, but not for me. I'm listed in the phone book, so really it's not that tricky.

I have always said that if there was an issue that really stirred me I'd think about voting again, but as both parties are promising tax cuts in some form, and Mr Key last night said he wasn't going to fiddle with WFF, and it's not likely "fashion crime" is going to introduced as a hot topic, there's not really much out there to inspire me to vote.

Now if someone could explain the American political system to me in easy to understand language I'd well appreciate it. I must have been asleep the day it was taught at school as I've only just discovered that Hillary and Obama are on THE SAME SIDE!!, and the current battles on the news are just to decide who's going to lead their team. Who are the Tory's, and who are the Pinko's??? And why is all this stuff taking forever and they haven't even got to the election yet??

I await with baited.........

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Mothers Revenge

The sperm donor is in town today for a wine tasting and is taking the child out to dinner. The child was moaning as he wants to take her to Chow but she doesn't feel like Asian, she said she felt like Mexican.

I suggested they went to Flying Burrito Brothers but she said he'd never go there, in a tone of voice that rightly suggested the venue wasn't pretentious enough for him.

I then suggested that they go to Arbitrageur instead, explaining to the child that it was French Provincial and beautiful food.

However, the real reason I suggested it is........it has a wine list of over 400 different wines and NONE of them are his!!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Food Allergies

Dear Client,

Thank you very much for sending in the list of delegates and their food allergies without me having to ask for it. My, aren't there a lot of gluten intolerant, but then that's very fashionable at the moment. Will remember to keep toilet paper and air freshener well stocked just in case the odd bit of wheat slips through.

All our meat is Halal, so no problems there, and we always have a large vegetarian content so that is all tickety boo.

In regards to the last chap, we made the decision some time ago to stop putting penicillin in our food, as we found the taste was too bitter and the little granules made a funny crunchy sound. So I can totally guarantee that all our food is penicillin free.


Cheers
Unpclesbian

Friday, May 9, 2008

Isn't she just Gorgeous!


I thought so too so I just had to bid on it. And even get carried away in the heat of the moment from dodging some other punters auto bid shenanigans and pay more than what I'd planned, but it is such an object of desire that I just have to have. (Roisin Dubh for those who can't instantly identify)
Don't you just hate those smart fukkers who use auto bid, I mean where's the fun in that, missing out on the thrill of hitting place bid, place bid, place bid, and the stress of desperately having to race to a computer because your auction is about to close, how dull.
It's been oh at least 48 hours since the auction closed. Now I know I am an anal pedantic highly organised Virgo, but still I've emailed the seller 3 times and had no response. I am getting worried.
Please trader hurry up and respond, patience is not something I possess much of. It really would be too cruel if this ended up being a tease and you didn't follow through. I would then be obliged to vent my feelings via Trade Me's feedback.
I am currently praying madly to the God of Auction Closure.
Addendum: Once again I have put in a picture and lose all paragraph spacing, humph I don't like it when my layout is not pretty.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The one about k d lang

It was the k d lang concert last night, finally. Gosh didn't those months between ticket sales and the show just fly by. We duly went to our almost front row seats, and I instantly regretted not paying the extra $60 for the centre block seats, still side front didn't detract from the show.

The show was in the concert hall at the Michael Fowler centre, and I just love that venue, it's intimate and acoustically brilliant, I'd go and listen to anything there. Likewise k d lang's voice. I'm really only familiar with three of her tunes (well two of hers, and one of Mr Orbison's) but always go to her shows to hear and feel the voice, and as usual last night she shone.

She started with two tracks from the new album, and the mix was a bit dodgy, but then I'm very biased as the last time I saw her she played with the Symphonia and it was perfection from the first note. However, last night after a few terse hand signals and a word to the sound boy all was fixed and her vocals came out and sat on top of the mix. Then the she did what she does and had the audience transfixed for the rest of the night.

For me the highlights were Neil Young's "Helpless", and her rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" was spellbinding. Sadly she didn't sing "Crying" so we left feeling slightly unsatisfied.

Now since this was a k d lang show, there of course was a second part to the evening that needs commenting on, and that is the audience. My goodness, it seems like every Lesbian in the lower North Island had hit town and lordy me they all go to the same clothes shop and hairdresser. The venue of course was heaving with lesbians and we didn't realise that this was such a BIG night out that you were supposed to wear your BEST clothes.

My girlfriend and I had a few chuckles at the fact that even though it was a room full of lesbians she still stood out, as she was the only one wearing a cap (her BEST going out cap) and cargoes. (she was also asked as she was exiting the ladies if she was in the right bathroom!! A bit incongruous in light of the show that was on!). I was dressed in my usual concert going rock chick outfit and apart from the legalettes in their gorgeous designer clothes the rest of the audience were in the "lesbian going out uniform".

Your basic lesbian going out uniform consists of jeans, black t shirt and a leather jacket, this morphs slightly for posh events to smart pants, fitted shirt and shaped fitted leather jacket. I ran into a woman I went to school with and felt I was talking with someones Grandmother, she is the same age as me, and dressed and looked like a Nana. I needed immediate reassurance that I did not look like that, and another glass of bubbles to cope. Everyone was DULL DULL DULL. Why can't they make more effort, even the star of the show had some fancy clothes on.

The next issue is the hair. Short, grey, functional, no style, no panache. Why would any woman want their hair to look like that, they should have worn caps. Likewise, it's NOT A SIN to use product. Product is your friend, use it. You are not going to save the environment by not using product. The world will not end if you spend a few minutes on your appearance, your friends and workmates may thank you for it.

At one point during the show my girlfriend commented that there would be a few sets of slimy knickers around, but as I pointed out since most of the audience appeared to be post menopausal (legalettes NOT included) I doubted it would be much of a problem. Now I'm thinking, is that the power that Ms lang has, to induce lubrication where all has failed.

I will leave you on the damp musing.
 
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