Warning

I have a nasty cold and that coupled with nasty work means I have not had a run for over a week. This means that my dopamine, serotonin and all other general endorphin levels are very low so I am extremely foul tempered.

Therefore when a client asks rather sarcastically if they are going to get teaspoons the answer of course is "fuck off and use your fingers".

I think I should keep my door shut today.

Why is it that.....

.....when you go to the hairdresser for a haircut it takes them a mere soupcon of product and a flick of the wrist and your hair is looking totally fab, however come the following morning and you try to recreate this yourself, after 20 minutes of anguish one has to give up and yet again resort to wearing the paper bag.............

Rugby Reality Advertising

No further comment needed.

Lesbians and IQ

One of those random ponderings....as you do. Was mulling over the fact that most of the lesbians I know have a degree, some have 2 degrees, and a couple are even PhD's. So naturally from this I can extrapolate all sorts of interesting trivia.


1: Most lesbians are of higher intelligence than their heterosexual counterparts ( I look forward to Cactus's response to this)

2: Higher education turns women into lesbians (heh heh go CK!!)

3: This reinforces the belief that sexuality is genetically driven as these women will have thought long, hard and intelligently about succumbing to their sexual desire and attraction to other women.

4: Explains why historically it was thought that education was wasted on women. They would see the light and reject the male of the species.


I'm sure there are many more sweeping generalisations that can be gleaned from this. Think I'll pass it on the the cartographeress (bachelors) and see if some fancy graph or pie charty thing can be made from it.

Is she, or isn't she??

Now we all know Jillian Michaels is hot, super Hot, Uber HOT, so hot in fact that if she was on Top Gear she'd be in the fridge. So while I was trawling through her website I came across an interesting little fact hidden away at the bottom of the page which says:

Two years later, she and a partner opened Sky Sport and Spa in Beverly Hills, where she began training her former ICM clientele. She was then convinced by a former ICM co-worker to audition for "The Biggest Loser."

So at the mention of Sky Sport and Spa little bells go off in my head telling me I know that place, it was the location of "Workout". This was a funny little reality show about a gym managed by a lesbian. I got hooked into it because, well it contained nice bodies and Jackies girlfriend was just so AWFUL. After watching a few shows I thought it was a mockumentary, however I have recently found out it is apparently true. This is Hollywood though so not the real world.

However, back to the point of this post. Jackie is the owner of Sky Sport and Spa in Beverly Hills and according to her bio she opened this business.

Now of course being the gossip hound that I am, and with the gaydar spinning out of control, I'm putting 2 and 2 together and making 5.

Please tell me she is!

Nicole Ritchie lookalike Winner

....or maybe it should read "when ACTivism goes bad"..........

As we all know in some cases white collar crime DOES pay, but what I can't understand is the obsession with the Annette Presley/Christine Rankin look, and the person who did her "colours" should be shot.

If I asked nicely do you think she'd pay my childrens school fees?

And then it was all over

So finally first born arrived at this time 16 years ago. I was totally oblivious as the medical professionals had eventually stopped commenting on the lovely tautness of all my pelvic muscles and decided to knock me out and forcibly rip said child from my womb.

I still can not understand why after enduring over 48 hours of labour I turned around and did it all again. I think the theory was if I'm going to do this again I'm going to get it out of the way bloody quickly.

To any of you who are contemplating spawning, please feel free to borrow one of my children for a day or two. I find they are a very effective contraceptive.

40 Hours and counting

....So, 16 years ago I was still in labour. By this time I had hit the 40 hour mark and the medical professionals were still aiming for the holy grail of "natural" birth.

As you can imagine I was deliriously excited when at one of the regular probes they announced I was 2cm dilated. Maybe I had taken the instruction to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles a little too far.

16 years of Labour

I have just realised that 16 years ago I was in labour, and had been for some 12 hours or more.

You will just have to keep checking in to see when this labour bore fruition.

Advanced Child Abuse

As it has been the school holidays number 1 daughter has been home for the last two weeks. During this time I am emotionally blackmailed into cooking her favourite dishes. Some do come with the proviso of an hour of cardio which surprisingly gets done with good grace.

She is naturally very curious each evening as to what is for dinner, and being the highly skilled mother that I am, I admit nothing until the very last minute. I was being heavily nagged one evening, the question being:

"Are we having spinach pasta for dinner ?"
"No", I replied "we're having Rigatoni with bechamel sauce finished with a Florentine garnish"
"What's that ?", was her response.
"Look for yourself" I said handing her my ancient copy of Le Repertoire de la Cuisine.

4 minutes passed while she navigated the index section and sub indexes.

"It says here that bechamel is a rocks moistened with milk" she read aloud.
"No, the word is roux, as in kanga" was my response.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, "I know what that is, it's a white sauce. I can't find Florentine though"
"Look in the garnish section", I directed her.

3 and a half minutes later the book gets slammed down on the bench.

"I know what Florentine is, it's the name of the eggs when you buy brunch, it's spinach!! And Rigatoni is that pasta in the bag with the numbers on it, so we ARE having spinach pasta for dinner!" she said with a definite humphy tone.

"Yes, but darling think of all that you have just learnt without having to switch the bloody computer on!" I replied with only the merest hint of heavy sarcasm.

Public Service Announcement

I see last night on the TV that a new very slick and caring sharing Public Service announcement was aired featuring Mr J Lomu. The ad was sponsored by all the Energy Companies and the message was "if your life depends on electricity, please let you power company know". Even though they very skillfully moved the focus from respirators to dialysis machines the whole thing is still very much like closing the gate after the horse has bolted.

Is this going to be the new benchmark, are we going to get a whole series of these. I have already thought of a few examples:

"if your life depends on not being shot by a paroled killer when you are on a trail bike ride, please let your local corrections department know"

"if you life depends on being given a correct assessment and not being sent home from A & E please let your Hospital board know"

I'm sure there are many many more out there.

Child Abuse #2

As it's school holidays I can't do the tomato slices in the sandwiches torture so have had to devise another. It is very effective and is best done when the child has friends around for maximum impact.

It works like this; wait till the child has a friend around and they are fooling around on the computer. Go into the kitchen to do prep then start singing very loudly, and of course very badly, snippets from all her current favourite songs that she plays over and over and over. Something like this....

"under my umbrella ella..ella..ella

You are my addiction

I can be your girlfriend

under my umbrella..ella..ah...ahh..ahhhhhhhhhhhh"

Works a treat!

Leggings

After a brief discussion over at Brenda and Sandy's about leggings, here is the image that I couldn't insert.

Please note the bagging around the knee's as again this is in the days prior to lycra being put into everything, and also the result of climbing up the side of the fjord. The leggings were a master piece from H & M and were a 4/4 rib knit which expanded brilliantly and lasted through 2 pregnancies. The boots are Monkey Boots (of course) with 2 pairs of socks, white rolled over black.

The hair, well there's no excuse except to say this is what happens when you live on a remote fjord in Iceland with no access to hairdressers, decent bleach, or continual and regular alcohol supplies.