Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Therefore when a client asks rather sarcastically if they are going to get teaspoons the answer of course is "fuck off and use your fingers".
I think I should keep my door shut today.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
1: Most lesbians are of higher intelligence than their heterosexual counterparts ( I look forward to Cactus's response to this)
2: Higher education turns women into lesbians (heh heh go CK!!)
3: This reinforces the belief that sexuality is genetically driven as these women will have thought long, hard and intelligently about succumbing to their sexual desire and attraction to other women.
4: Explains why historically it was thought that education was wasted on women. They would see the light and reject the male of the species.
I'm sure there are many more sweeping generalisations that can be gleaned from this. Think I'll pass it on the the cartographeress (bachelors) and see if some fancy graph or pie charty thing can be made from it.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
If I asked nicely do you think she'd pay my childrens school fees?
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I still can not understand why after enduring over 48 hours of labour I turned around and did it all again. I think the theory was if I'm going to do this again I'm going to get it out of the way bloody quickly.
To any of you who are contemplating spawning, please feel free to borrow one of my children for a day or two. I find they are a very effective contraceptive.
As you can imagine I was deliriously excited when at one of the regular probes they announced I was 2cm dilated. Maybe I had taken the instruction to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles a little too far.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
You will just have to keep checking in to see when this labour bore fruition.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
She is naturally very curious each evening as to what is for dinner, and being the highly skilled mother that I am, I admit nothing until the very last minute. I was being heavily nagged one evening, the question being:
"Are we having spinach pasta for dinner ?"
"No", I replied "we're having Rigatoni with bechamel sauce finished with a Florentine garnish"
"What's that ?", was her response.
"Look for yourself" I said handing her my ancient copy of Le Repertoire de la Cuisine.
4 minutes passed while she navigated the index section and sub indexes.
"It says here that bechamel is a rocks moistened with milk" she read aloud.
"No, the word is roux, as in kanga" was my response.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, "I know what that is, it's a white sauce. I can't find Florentine though"
"Look in the garnish section", I directed her.
3 and a half minutes later the book gets slammed down on the bench.
"I know what Florentine is, it's the name of the eggs when you buy brunch, it's spinach!! And Rigatoni is that pasta in the bag with the numbers on it, so we ARE having spinach pasta for dinner!" she said with a definite humphy tone.
"Yes, but darling think of all that you have just learnt without having to switch the bloody computer on!" I replied with only the merest hint of heavy sarcasm.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Is this going to be the new benchmark, are we going to get a whole series of these. I have already thought of a few examples:
"if your life depends on not being shot by a paroled killer when you are on a trail bike ride, please let your local corrections department know"
"if you life depends on being given a correct assessment and not being sent home from A & E please let your Hospital board know"
I'm sure there are many many more out there.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
It works like this; wait till the child has a friend around and they are fooling around on the computer. Go into the kitchen to do prep then start singing very loudly, and of course very badly, snippets from all her current favourite songs that she plays over and over and over. Something like this....
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Please note the bagging around the knee's as again this is in the days prior to lycra being put into everything, and also the result of climbing up the side of the fjord. The leggings were a master piece from H & M and were a 4/4 rib knit which expanded brilliantly and lasted through 2 pregnancies. The boots are Monkey Boots (of course) with 2 pairs of socks, white rolled over black.
The hair, well there's no excuse except to say this is what happens when you live on a remote fjord in Iceland with no access to hairdressers, decent bleach, or continual and regular alcohol supplies.