Monday, November 23, 2009

Boy Sex

As you may, or may not know, I have been  pondering the concept of boy sex for the last year or so. I think it would be cool to have lovers from all three genders on hand to keep this girl amused. It also seems I currently satisfy the "older woman" fantasy for some and they have made their interest known.

On Friday a three hour window of opportunity to have boy sex came my way, and as it was the last gap in my social calendar till Xmas I made a rash decision and took the chance. It turned out to be a very enlightening 40 minutes of my life.

I would like to be able to say, boy sex, tick done - but in reality it's boy sex, big fat fail!

I've now had 48 hours to think it over and realise that the main reason I couldn't go through with it was TEXTURE. He hadn't shaved before turning up and the face roughage was unbearable. I quickly realised I was not able to endure kissing him, plus I had a dinner party on Saturday night and did not want a rash all over my face. Not being able to kiss meant my interest started to wane, so he then took off most of his clothes. I should have realised by the level of whiskers just how hirsute he was. I now have a concept of what George Michael must look like when he misses his waxing sessions, it was possibly even more than your average bear could cope with. I'm known to enjoy a bit of hair pulling, but it's the action of cupping my hand around a head that is enjoyable, being able to pull someones shoulder hair is decidedly not erotic. So now I couldn't bear to touch as well as kiss.

Another reason I couldn't do it was that of power/dominance, or to put it into gayspeak the top/bottom issue. While he was attempting small talk I kept waiting for him to make his move. He's a 35 year old, well travelled man who has spent a lot of time telling me how much he wants to have sex with me, yet during the small talk section I saw that I had all the control, and at one point did say that I could play with his head as well as his body. He had no idea what I meant. As much as the Mrs Robinson scenario amused, it was not what I wanted. I wanted to be seduced slowly and erotically and I could see that wasn't going to happen. Him male - be assertive. If I was going to have to pull out all my seduction moves then it may as well have just  been another woman.

The final killing blow was the curtains. When he took his clothes off he pulled the curtains. Those who have spent time in my room can attest to it being a lovely place to while away the time naked with the CURTAINS OPEN and the sun coming in. Also the taking off of his clothes showed that he didn't work out as hard as he implied, and it appears that I like men to be even more cut than women. I was tempted to compare biceps but I guess that humiliation would have been just too cruel.

I then went through a swift mental calculation of; send him away and chill on  the sofa with Glee and Oz Idol, or go thru with it as quickly as possible so as to be able to say I DID it. TV won.

I then told him to leave, which he duly did in about three minutes flat.

So lessons learned, and males pay attention. It seems if I'm going to attempt boy sex  the male in question needs to have a smooth face, preferably waxed. Chest hair is acceptable but is not to encroach on shoulders or back. Muscles and body definition are important, but what is really important is a positive assertive attitude with the accompanying desire to throughly take control and seduce me in an erotic seductive manner. I fear it may be some time before I try this experiment again.


XChequer said...

Laugh My Fucking Arse Off!

UPCL, you are an absolute treasure! The poor boy is probably in therapy as we speak; the object of his desire having spurned him so abruptly in favour of the Box.

I have missed your writings so very much!

As a boy........ Ahem ....... Man! that is .......that has had some experience (and before any of you f**wits go on about it, this is not being pretentious or remotely boastful) in sleeping with lesbians, I quite agree. One must be on top of one's game in order to "scratch that particular itch" that some lesbians have.

The big thing, I found is to be a wee bit mature, lads (it can be an effort for some) and realise that it generally isn't about you. She has not normally just had an "awakening" and been lit up in glorious epiphanic light to the wonders of penis.

It's sex.

And, FFS, take pride in your work, guys. Message to your boy, UPCL: Get lessons in basic hygiene and lovemaking. It's worth it and there is generally some woman around willing enough to teach (unless, of course you look as though you have just come from the movie set of "Where the Wild Things Are" in which case can I say invest in an airticket to Uzbekistan). And if you truly enjoy helping someone have a good time, bottom to a dollar, you'll have a fantastic time as well.

After all - isn't that what it's all about?

Thanks for sharing, hon. I wasn't meaning to be pithy about your bad experience however the situation I had in my minds eye made Faulty Towers seem banal in comparison. xx

Bryan Spondre said...

Well done mate. Have given you a review at Gotcha!, 9.5 out 10. To get a 10 it would have to be my hairy back you were lampooning :-)

Anonymous said...

Other lesbians I know seems to be wanting to "scratch that particular itch" too.

Is that the lesbian desire du année ?

My friend achieved it by living communally together with her lesbian partner and the lesbian partner's previous partner -- the boy !

Best of both worlds don't you think--UnPC ? Yeah yeah--as long there was no need for waxing

BTW, was event something to do with long time admirer of previous posts ?

unPC lesbian said...

yes anonymous, I like to think I'm a leader of trends...I'm sure there will be a big rush of lesbians and boy sex happening soon.

However I'm not going to identify in any way the poor boy, but will say that it turns out he had a brief fling with one of my staff. I now look through the glass wall at her wondering how she managed to shag that!

brian_smaller said...

I see where your problem occurred. You tried boy-sex when you should have tried man-sex.

unPC lesbian said...

Gosh, at 35 with a couple of degrees under his belt and his own geek business I would have thought he was finally a man.

XChequer said...

Geekiness does not maketh the man, my dear!

The Geek may, infact, inherit the earth, however the meek will always be meek.

unPC lesbian said...

Meek geek, too funny. I loike that.

Art - Nau said...

that was pretty funny
had few gay friends (Lesbian if you wish) and all of them had the same issue and similar problem whn they tried it...
biggest note to self:
if I will ever go on a date with lesbian - SHAVE ... 2th ... maybe 3 times :)

unPC lesbian said...

I don't understand why boys aren't taught to wax, problem solved. Women do for their men in far more delicate regions, so why do men not return the favour?

Art, make sure you moisturise as well, lots. Maybe start a week beforehand.

I still think boy sex would be good, I just need to get the texture right.

Bryan Spondre said...

If I wasn't so concerned about being labelled a pretentious metro-sexual I would get my back waxed:-)

Bryan Spondre said...

The texture ?? Fucking hell, I hope you mean the texture of their facial skin not somewhat lower down. Isn't that what ribbed condoms are for ?

unPC lesbian said...

Do it! It'll be far better than the perm you've got going on now.

unPC lesbian said...

Oh goodness Bryan, keep up. Can't you see we've moved on to gender issues here. Male can't keep face smooth and soft for female pleasure, yet female forcibly rips out hair in delicate places for male pleasure.

Bryan Spondre said...

Come on now - women remove hair from their genitals so that THEY can derive more pleasure from getting cunnilingus. Don't try and tell me that its for the benefit of men :-)

unPC lesbian said...

At the risk of sounding harsh Bryan, it's no wonder you are single.

Bryan Spondre said...

LMAO : - brilliant put down :-) You might take the crown off Cactus soon!!!!

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