Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Help me Mrs Smith!

The children's father is getting married shortly and I have been instructed to find a suitable dress for the child to wear. Both children have said they are going to the wedding. Number 1 daughter is only going if number 2 daughter goes, and number 2 daughter is going because it means she gets new clothes.

Naturally I am somewhat loath to put too much time and effort into this task, even though it does involve clothes shopping, as the wedding is on my birthday weekend thus ruining my plans, and he is marrying the Vulture who refuses to have either child (except for her own) in the house.

I have been given a budget of $100 to cover dress and shoes, YES, that is dress AND shoes. Pick yourself up off the floor Smith because the best bit is coming..............the wedding is being held at Huka Lodge. By my reckoning it 3 doubles and 1 suite.

I am feeling very drawn to getting one of the nasty fake Gucci prints in a very staticy fabric that are in all the chain stores this season, preferably in a print vile enough to put everyone off their meal, but as the child would refuse to wear it, and has to wear it all evening I will resist.

I think I need another conversation with number 1 daughter to see what she is thinking of wearing, and then purchase something that clashes violently with it. She would appreciate that.


Mrs Smith said...

$100 for dress and shoes - good lord! What a stingy bastard, I think the Vulture is welcome to him.

Show him what $100 can buy, by sending the girls to the wedding in burlap sacks, with begging cups.

unPC lesbian said...

Yes, YES, too funny......and I could use those nasty synthetic fibre ones instead of hessian so they'll crackle and give off static to all around.

Cactus Kate said...

As I have met him, this is a great "baby Daddy" story.

Take number 2 shopping and tell her the budget. Then have the cell phone ready for her to be able to call baby Daddy and actually TELL him herself what $100 can buy. The fact you are in Kirkcaldies is entirely irrelevant.

unPC lesbian said...

Oooh yes, there's a lovely Trelise Cooper number there that may fit her.

Cactus Kate said...

OR....dress them both in the butchest most lesbian clothes you can find...like a rugby jersey each with the collars turned up and super taper jeans with boat shoes and white socks. This would be perfect in front of no doubt he wanker friends in attendance.

OR.....don't buy them anything to wear as Huka Lodge has its own SHOP. That's right, from memory full of overpriced clothes from such fashion houses as Rodd and Gunn but its Huka Lodge, they will organise personal shopping in Taupo anyway. Charged of course to the BASTARDS room.

unPC lesbian said...

Excellent, I know number 1 would see the joke and do it, but number 2 would say no way...how on earth did I breed a fashion victim.

I can't recall seeing a shop there, but then I was too busy hunting for food as I was still starving after leaving the dining room!!

Empty Nest. Design by Exotic Mommie. Illustraion By DaPino