Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The "One"

Over the last few weeks I've been fascinated by the almost daily entries on a friends facebook page. Said friend also happens to be an 'ex', a fairly significant one as she was the woman I left the sperm donor for, but that is irrelevant to this post.

She has recently met a new woman and instantly fallen in love in true lesbian fashion. They are making a very public display of their feelings for each other via their facebook walls and below is a lovely example. I will admit that it is from the very early days of, oh, at least five weeks ago.

I see our relationship as a tiny, tender seedling. Its warm seedcoat has cracked. And, this tender, fragile little being has started to peek out. Fears of every kind cause it to timidly raise it head to peer over the edges. What does it take for this fragile being to raise it's head and grow strong?Gentle nurture. Tender Care. Loving touch. Seeking my gentle touch, it straightens a little more. Now a little stronger. Yet still, oh so tender and fragile.

Quite frankly if anyone ever wrote something like that on my wall I would delete it immediately, and probably delete them as well no matter what I felt for them.

Also in true lesbian fashion they are now engaged! I have a fairly accurate timeline on this relationship as the ex texted once needing advice of a sexual nature, so I know exactly when first shag happened. So first shag to engagement, 3 weeks. First shag to ex quitting her job to move cities, 5 weeks. However I digress.

I made a vomit related comment on one of these facebook posts and then got severely chided for it. Sadly they didn't see that my comment was made about the sickmaking nature of the wall posts, and not their relationship. The response to my vomit comment was that when I met 'The One' I would know, and be as happy as them. This of course has got me pondering the whole concept of "The One",  the idea that out there is one person, one soul who is the perfect match for you. The one to make the two of you a whole, the one you are destined to meet so you can live in perfect harmony forever. Fuk me, their sickmaking dribble is rubbing off on me.

Lesbians love this idea, and lots of hetero's appear to as well, though I do suspect that is probably fairly heavily weighted towards the female of the species. Of course this makes me ask a few questions such as:
  • In the case of the ex, how does that make her previous girlfriend of seven years feel and
  • If she wasn't "The One", why did she spend seven years with her?
  • What happens if you and your "One" are born years or even centuries apart? Are you supposed to stay single as it would be too mean having a relationship with another as they are not the "One".
  • What about those who don't believe in the concept, one of whom may be in a relationship with the person who is actually your "One".
  • Again, those who don't believe in the concept of the "One" but in are in happy successful relationships, are these relationships not valid then?
  • Do we all get a hetero "One" and a gay "One", so we don't miss out if we have difficulty staying with one gender?
  • Trans "Ones"? Or does that mean we now all have three "Ones"?
  • Or four to cover both versions of gender reassigment?
  • Asexuals, do they have a non "One"?
  • What happens if you can't afford a plane ticket to travel and go hunting for your "One", or will the single policy apply?
  • What about the narrow minded provincials who never leave the town they were born in. Is their "One" going to be in their home town, or are they not allowed "One" because they are too dull and unadventurous?
As you see I could go on and on. In response to my telling off on facebook I pulled out the yin yang card, salty sweet etc etc, pitching that for every person who believed in the "One" is another who is quite happy having more than one lover, and that ultimately the only "One" you can ever get true happiness from is yourself. That shut them up!

Not learning from being berated, I again commented on a post about distance relationships, that they are HOT and not rubbish, but that is a whole other story for another time.


Anonymous said...


It's lovely if you believe in such things. However, I will remain bitter and twisted about the whole concept and stick with what's hot, ie. YOU.

-What happens when sex with 'The One' dries up? Can you have a One on the side?
-What if you're polyamorous? Can you have Ones?
-What if The One dies? Can you have Another One or do you only get one chance?
-What if The One doesn't want to be The One?
-What if The One is underage, do you have to wait?


unPC lesbian said...

ha ha.

What if the One can't count?

Anonymous said...

-What if the one is already dead and has been waiting for you in spirit since god knows when?

-Do you get an experimental One then a Real One, kind of like an exam resit? My Mummy always says to try before you buy.

-What if The One is a lazy shithead and can't be bothered looking for you?

-What if you're a nun or monk who's not allowed to talk? Is God The One then? Cos God must be The One for lots of people, which means he's not a One really, he's this huge big All Encompassing One. Which is really the whole point of him I believe.

-What if you're a hermit?


Anonymous said...

If The One can't count, surely they can gesticulate? Even if it's just a solitary middle finger :D

unPC lesbian said...

What about culture ie India, where there must be no Ones, unless by prior arrangement.

Jody said...

oooh it could be a nice out for ending relationships (many times over) - "sorry honey, it really is you, you are just not The One".....

Another nice out - a girl can no longer be accused of being a slut (unless of course she likes it!) as she is simply looking for The One.

unPC lesbian said...

Yeah, I'm a beleiver in market research, as the boi said, try before you buy....but then aren't you meant to just "know" the instant you meet that this is the "One"?

Jody said...

They are ALL The One for the first 3 months - commonly referred to as being "cunt struck" I hormones, never a bad thing if there is a good shag in it! 3 months, first check point....then 6, usually tumbles into 18, make it there and you've got 3 to five in Can't say for sure, anything after 3/4 yrears almost counts as "long term" and outside my personal experience!

unPC lesbian said...

Funnily every time I read the words cunt struck and ACDC tune plays in my head!!

And your timeline is 100% accurate, the voice of experience speaking!!

I think the beyond 5 year'ers only survive that length as they allow outside "interests".

Anonymous said...

I give it 6 months tops, from the time they both live in the same city (I guess with dykes that also means the time they move in together).

Less if there's kids involved.

More if one of them gets seriously ill or decides to become a transgendered man.

Cactus Kate said...

Remind me which one the one you left sperm donor was? The one with no mates?

unPC lesbian said...

Nah....slap!! The one you met at XIE's that night when the lone boy was there, who didn't realise he was the butt of all the humour.

You can actually see her wall, it's not private, will email you the name. Read it and vomit!!

Anonymous said...

This is a sad blog

I think you need to leave her alone and get on with her life as you do not control her anymore.

There was no need to blog this if she was your ex, all I read was jealousy and regret from you.

Time for you to move on.....

unPC lesbian said...

Oh bless anonymous, too obviously have no idea of the classic lesbian dynamic.

I think after 8 years and many lovers later that you could say I have moved on.

If you read the story properly and as written you will see SHE texted me for sexual advice, which I freely gave, hardly the action of one who hasn't "moved on". You will also see the point of the story is the concept of "the One"

Or maybe you can't read the story in an unbiased manner and have moving on issues of your own?

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