Bad girls, BAD!

Oh no, I'm about to get out my razorblades and head in the wrist direction. All my excitement and anticipation of Trinny and Susannah being back in my life and it was so SO disappointing.

Girls, it's about the clothes and the shopping with a tiny bit of the humanistic stuff thrown in for good measure at the end just to show that you did good. As you said last night you are not marriage guidance counsellors, so don't do it! Get off this zig zag path you're on and back to the straight and narrow....clothes, shopping, fashion, clothes shopping, fashion. Where's the mirror chamber of death? And no the sillouhette screen is not an adequate replacement.

As much as I like reality makeover shows, and they were such a sad couple last night where it was plainly obvious that no matter how much T & S could try and change them the wife is still going to leave, it was almost too cringe making to watch.

I will check in again of course next week and desperately hope there will be more shopping per minute. Please don't let me down.

Let's create a whole new illegal market

Well if Mr Anderton has his way there will be.

Just what the gangs and other dealers need is a new product to have on the market, cos well, P is just getting such bad press, and grass is so 1980's.

So a big thank you and hand clap to Mr Anderton for trying to bring a whole new generation of customers to the dealers and creating another illegal drug, because that's just what this country needs.

Green Disguise?

On three occasions over the last couple of weeks on my drive to work I have passed Jeanette Fitzsimons walking down the bottom of Bowen street with a cell phone clamped to her ear talking furiously.

Is this some from of disguise so that passers by won't annoy her in the street?

If that's the case why not try the more usual methods of disguise, like the classic wig and huge sunglasses.....

I'm sure it would be more effective.

A good week

Oooh, it's looking like a good week. The library robot finally rang and said Decca's letters was ready for me, I'm so excited. At over 700 pages it still doesn't rival the Warhol diaries for size, but with lots of new Mitford trivia I'm well pleased.

While I was picking the book up I hired a couple of cd's I'd been after for a while, so now I've almost replaced all the tunes that were stolen the second to last time my car was broken into.

And to top it off I actually looked at the newspaper today and heavenly bliss the Goddesses are back on tv this week.

I can't wait till 7.30pm Friday. What will I wear?

On wiki, RSS and web 2.0

I keep seeing these words around in the blog world and wonder what they mean. I really should ask someone to explain them to me but I fear I will fall asleep before I get to the end.

Interconnection in the Lesbian world

We went to a house warming party on Saturday night. As it was just one street away we could walk and I could then attempt to drink far too much. The theme was Kiwiana, which seem to mean that the only food to eat was pavlova.

As other writers have pointed out Lesbians seem to move in little cliques, and on this occasion several overlapped.

One of the new house owners is the "stalker" of friend K. (stalkers in this case being fully encouraged by said friend until someone more interesting comes along, then K gets to moan about not being able to get rid of the stalker). House owner/stalker rents and lives in another property very close, and apparently this is the property that K's girlfriend was after but missed out on because the stalker signed first. Suffice to say stalker has not heard from K for many months. A good result all round I thought.

I chatted to another woman whom I had met once before, she calls herself SuzyQ. Only by stuffing another piece of pav in my mouth did I manage to refrain from any inappropriate remarks along the lines of " the only thing you and Sluttro have in common is height". However it turns out I employ her son, Cute Vain Boy. I knew I'd employed her daughter before, but was unaware that CVB was hers as well. I also employ her ex sister in law, and as that thought crossed my brain so did all the stories that the ex Sister in law had told me about CVB's Mother. More pav stuffing ensued.

Later on in the evening Ms D arrived. I have met Ms D many times over the last few years and we have a couple of friends in common. I guess Ms D is glad that our main friend in common has returned to the UK, as every time I have run into Ms D this year she is with a woman who is not her wife. I guess that explains why she doesn't make eye contact when we meet and avoids my conversation attempts. The last time I chatted with her in public I asked after her sons, and the people she was out with were completely unaware that she had children. They are 15 years old!

Finally my stomach let me know that pavlova was not sufficient to mop up the consumed alcohol so we trotted off home for some serious carbs. One stunning new fact came to mind while scoffing on the sofa. 70% of the women I met that night live in a 2 block radius of my house. My city fringe suburb is turning into Lesbian mecca.

On baking an floor cleaning

The child baked yesterday. The results this time were quite pleasing as she did several things differently:

1. She followed the instructions
2. She measured everything
3. She followed Mothers advice about when to take it out of the oven.

As a chef I have trained people to cook but I find it very difficult to do so with the children as it involves hot things, and sharp things. Therefore I tend to write a big list of instructions and leave the house, a method that seems to be working ok.

Yesterdays baking involved cocoa and vast quantities of butter, large amounts of which are stuck to the floor. I stayed in bed till noon today to give the cleaning fairy's a chance, but they didn't visit even though I was very quiet. I then went out for a run to give them a chance, but still no visit. I am now resorting to more primitive techniques and am sprinkling a few drops of milk on the floor an locking the cats in.

Interconnectedness

After reading Brenda's post on interconnectedness I got pondering the same, both in the cyber and physical world. I love the cyber world as I can keep up with friends from everywhere and occasionally meet new ones, and the blog world is a whole new arena. I guess my post below sums it up. I'd lost a link and several people around NZ sent me the link, and the sad news that Doddery Old Fart had suddenly passed away. Oswald Barstable suggested reading the comments on his last post which I duly did. Astounding. The epitome of the power of the cyber link.

I've lost a Link

I've been trying to be a tidy Kiwi and add a few more links to sites that amuse me, but I've lost one.

Please help me Mrs Smith. I used to link from you to a man who spends a lot of time pulling trucks and other vehicles out from the ungainly positions they sometimes get themselves in, and he would post a lot of images of this. Strange, but oddly interesting. If you, or anyone knows who I mean please send me the link.

Mwah

Skinny Jeans

.......or maybe this should read "you know you're old when"......... However, skinny jeans another fashion phase I'm just going to let pass me by. Been there, done that, and know I'm well tough cos that was in the days before they started putting lycra into the denim.

I've been observing this current fashion trend on those around me, not on the child as she has skinny genes and has trouble finding jeans to fit, however there are plenty of examples roaming the streets. And of course many examples who could do with a visit to Trinny and Susannahs mirror torture capsule.

Now I really know I'm old because in my mind the back pockets of your jeans should sit pertly, slightly above the the largest, roundest part of the buttock. Nowadays, due to the low rise it appears that the pockets now sit on the back upper thigh. I spotted an extreme case last night, a male fashion victim who had on to die for purple corduroy's, skin tight to a few inches above the knee then sagging from the top down a la gangsta boy. His pockets were just above the knee.

I'm still trying to figure out how he would manage to use the pockets as he seemed to have ordinary length arms.

More Unanswered Questions

You guessed it, Millie Elder/Holmes.

I know the media are stressing that Paul Holmes adopted her while married to Hine so yes technically he is her "father", but why is her mother not around. Why was Hine not at court? Where is her biological father? Seems very odd that the person Millie runs to is not a biological relative.

And yes I know that Mr Holmes is high profile, has clout and very sharp expensive lawyers who will no doubt be able to make this disappear with no more than a smack on the hand, or at worse a bit of community service, but don't you think this going to make Dr Hine look bad.

Personally I find the ethics of this a bit disturbing, as it appears right now that Dr Hine is quite prepared to use the power of "celebrity" to help get her daughters charges reduced, an option that poor little Susan Nobody doesn't have. I'd much rather have a Doctor that stood up and said "yes my daughter has broken the law, but I am standing by her not matter what the outcome is".

Oh well, then again, maybe Dr Hine is just practising dodgy ethics so she can audition for a role on "House" now that it seems that Forman is leaving!

Worst night out ever!

Well I figured we'd sat on the sofa for far too long so decreed that "we are going out". As I've mentioned before there is in each major city regular lesbian dance nights held at different venues. Auckland manages to hold two regular events a month, Wellington struggles to have one. These events are usually "fundraisers" for something and for the last few months in Wellers it's been for Reclaim the Night, and No Diet Day etc, HOWEVER this particular Saturday night it was again a fundraiser for the Amazon softball team. Now after the last Amazon event I attended I swore Never Again, and in hindsight should have stayed with that sweeping statement, but instead I thought well it's a different venue, there's 2 DJ's, I haven't been out dancing for so long, lets give it a go. Should have just stayed on the sofa! We arrived at the venue and duly paid our cover charge to get in. It was all very quiet on the lower level so went up to check the dance space. I saw they had hired in a good sized sound system, full stop, all good finishes there.

I now have a few vital tips should anyone wish to hold a dance night or attempt to DJ:

SOUNDCHECK:
This is something that is done during the day, before the punters arrive. The mixing desk with your sound system has lots of dials and faders so you can fiddle round with the eq at all different frequencies and tune the amp and speakers to the room you are in. You should also play through a few different tunes and get a good sound across all mediums ie. vinyl and cd, so that one only needs a mere tweak on the decks controls at showtime. Soundcheck at no point should be done when the punters are there and on the dancefloor. It is very irritating to dancers to have the mix suddenly lose all bass, then rattle out loud around the 2 - 3 k frequencies, then disappear to an mere echo because someone has found the phase dial. Dancers usually like a bit of kick arse bass in the mix, it stirs the nether regions to the task at hand.Soundcheck is also usually better done by one person and not a committee of 3 or more.

BPM:
Also known as "beats per minute". A BPM of around 120 is what usually gets the punters hips and knees jiggling, so if you want people to dance it's a fairly good idea to play music around that tempo. Likewise the aim of a DJ is to keep the punters on the floor once they've finally started dancing. Playing one cool tune then following up with a bad one so you can watch the dancers leave the floor is not usually in a DJ's job description.

CUEING UP AND DROPPING IN:
This is what you do between each song, that is what the headphones are for. The idea is that you cue up the next song, and when the one you are playing is winding down you drop the next tune in on the beat OR you mix it under and fade up on the new, and down on the old. That is why direct drive turntables and hand control cd decks were invented so you can seamlessly blend from one tune to another. You do not wait until the current playing tune is finished then count to 5 and start the next one. Please see above, the idea is to KEEP the punters on the dancefloor.

So, needless to say we moved on and went to another venue. It was of course still too early in the evening to have many punters, but it had a solid wall of dancefloor sound, the beats were up and the tunes were mixed smoothly so finally had a wee dance.

If any of you dear readers feel like sending this link to either the Amazons or Our Bar please feel free. I've just checked my outbox and I see I sent a complaint email to the Amazons organisor on 4 October 2006, I'm still waiting for a response.

Still 3 Hours Missing and no Lion Man

I see everyone is finally calming down on the latest hot topic, and though it all is very very sad for the family involved and the poor contractor, something still seems odd about it all. The politicians jumped on it as a point scoring game turning it into a media circus and thereby clouding the true reality, but helloooo the election is still a year away, your average voter will have forgotten it by then. As Mr Farrar points out the politicians need to back off so the real story can come out.

So I, and no doubt many others as well, want to know what happened after the power was turned off. We're told three hours went by, what happened in that time? Was no effort made to run a power cord from the neighbours, were no medical people consulted, what were the family members doing, and a million other questions as to why it appears nothing was done before or after. Will this ever be revealed now that the media has turned the whole business into a political hot potato with their, as usual, totally unbiased reporting.

My other concern is that this pushed the Lion man story off top billing, as this was getting to the very very interesting stage. We had Mr Lion man doing a poor me act "I came home and saw something no husband should have to see, and I reacted". Oh whatever! He saw his wife in bed with another couple (the wife of which is hot Hot HOT) and he threw a major tanty cos he wasn't invited. Then we get the wife and the "best friends" saying "we were just comforting her because her husband had told her the marriage is over". Yeah right. Just giving her comforting cuddles while they were naked in bed, and she in a moment of comfort took off her top and crawled in with them, it was all innocent. Right! Well that's what we all do isn't it when we have friends visiting. Xie if you're reading this I expect the same treatment from you and J boy next time I visit.

I think there's a little bit of truth to each side of that story, but I guess they're all breathing a sigh of relief now it's no longer hot topic of the week. I of course hope it gets resurrected cos the other woman is HOT, I can see why the Lion Man would spit the dummy cos he wasn't allowed to play with her as well.

Pasta Rollers and Undergarments

On ANZAC day while I was partaking in New Zealands favourite hobby, shopping on a public holiday, I bought a pasta roller. We were actually looking for a microwave oven and I got sidetracked, I also managed to fix the broken microwave later that day so felt justified with my new purchase. I was somewhat skeptical when I purchased the pasta roller as at full price it barely hit the $50 mark, and with the public holiday special it came in at a nice price of $35.00. I chuckled and chortled delightedly over my new toy and even made references to "how much pasta could I roll for $35.00?". 4 pieces is the answer to that one. I found that not only were the instructions backwards but where the manufacturer claimed the closest setting was 0.2 millimetres I figured they had the decimal point in the wrong place. I returned the roller the next day and was given a replacement. So I wondered "how much pasta could I roll with this one?". The answer to that is 8 pieces. This time the rollers jammed, and the spacing lever refused to lock into place. I gave the roller a severe beating with the detachable handle, but strangely it still refused to work. So on Queens Birthday I returned it and requested my money back. Of course I was not given cold hard, but vouchers instead, and as I had just recently read one of Mrs Smiths posts and realised I was guilty of not upgrading undergarments often enough I decided to invest the vouchers in the lingerie department.

So started the slow tortuous trek through the knicker and bra department. Made a random check on my favourite knickers, just to find they are still a discontinued line and the new replacements still aren't quite the same. Then went to check over favourite bra stocks and voila, looky here, they have a new MAGIC, increase by a whole cup size, new product. I was hooked. As I'm of the build where cleavage is not a natural thing I regularly get seduced by manufacturers claims that they can create cleavage where none exists, and will force myself into bra's to see if their claims are correct. The end results are usually hilarious; imagine 2 eggs centered on ones chest, close together to create the desired "cleavage" line, and painful. To get that much flesh together I am forced to include parts of my underarms so not only do I get cleavage but is has a 3 day growth as well. So this new magic bra looked as if it would work, and it had some wonderful new padding filler in it (and special laundering instructions). So I trotted off and tried it on. Yes it did work, I was a whole, if not more, than a cup size larger but there was one tiny problem. My boobs now looked as if they were slung around my waist. I looked and pondered and finally it dawned as to what the problem was. The new "MAGIC" filler product made the garment so heavy that when it was on it sagged and the only remedy was to commit the crime of shortening the straps so they dug into the flesh to try and haul everything to where it was meant to be. Bra unceremoniously left on the changing room floor, vouchers still to be redeemed.