Pasta Rollers and Undergarments

On ANZAC day while I was partaking in New Zealands favourite hobby, shopping on a public holiday, I bought a pasta roller. We were actually looking for a microwave oven and I got sidetracked, I also managed to fix the broken microwave later that day so felt justified with my new purchase. I was somewhat skeptical when I purchased the pasta roller as at full price it barely hit the $50 mark, and with the public holiday special it came in at a nice price of $35.00. I chuckled and chortled delightedly over my new toy and even made references to "how much pasta could I roll for $35.00?". 4 pieces is the answer to that one. I found that not only were the instructions backwards but where the manufacturer claimed the closest setting was 0.2 millimetres I figured they had the decimal point in the wrong place. I returned the roller the next day and was given a replacement. So I wondered "how much pasta could I roll with this one?". The answer to that is 8 pieces. This time the rollers jammed, and the spacing lever refused to lock into place. I gave the roller a severe beating with the detachable handle, but strangely it still refused to work. So on Queens Birthday I returned it and requested my money back. Of course I was not given cold hard, but vouchers instead, and as I had just recently read one of Mrs Smiths posts and realised I was guilty of not upgrading undergarments often enough I decided to invest the vouchers in the lingerie department.

So started the slow tortuous trek through the knicker and bra department. Made a random check on my favourite knickers, just to find they are still a discontinued line and the new replacements still aren't quite the same. Then went to check over favourite bra stocks and voila, looky here, they have a new MAGIC, increase by a whole cup size, new product. I was hooked. As I'm of the build where cleavage is not a natural thing I regularly get seduced by manufacturers claims that they can create cleavage where none exists, and will force myself into bra's to see if their claims are correct. The end results are usually hilarious; imagine 2 eggs centered on ones chest, close together to create the desired "cleavage" line, and painful. To get that much flesh together I am forced to include parts of my underarms so not only do I get cleavage but is has a 3 day growth as well. So this new magic bra looked as if it would work, and it had some wonderful new padding filler in it (and special laundering instructions). So I trotted off and tried it on. Yes it did work, I was a whole, if not more, than a cup size larger but there was one tiny problem. My boobs now looked as if they were slung around my waist. I looked and pondered and finally it dawned as to what the problem was. The new "MAGIC" filler product made the garment so heavy that when it was on it sagged and the only remedy was to commit the crime of shortening the straps so they dug into the flesh to try and haul everything to where it was meant to be. Bra unceremoniously left on the changing room floor, vouchers still to be redeemed.