Thursday, October 30, 2008

Lesbian Guide to Decision08

As you know in her DomPost column today Cactus has covered the current crop of election candidates from a dating perspective. While researching for today's column on women she asked for my input, which I gave her, but she was only able to use one line from it, as apparently the DomPost isn't quite ready for the full Unpclesbian experience yet. Funny that.

Since I have sod all interest in politics, except as a fashion critiquing exercise, I approached my research as if it was a page on NZ Dating or even The Pink Sofa and recorded my reactions. I also canvassed a few friends and will note their comments as well. The candidate images I used are the ones on the Decision08 website. So party by party here we go.

National.
Hekia Parata: Looks nice and smiley and chirpy. Would have lot of appeal to many, though not I, a bit hearty and soccer Mumsy looking, would probably give a good team cheer after each orgasm.

Melissa Lee: Pretty little Asian woman, totally niche market. Is bound to definitely score in any town other than Auckland.

Greens.
Metira Turei: Hot short hair, could satisfy the androgynous market if she wiped off the lippy. However her image is next to that of Sue Bradford and I KNOW that Ms Bradford does not look as good as that publicity shot, so fear Metira could also be a case of false advertising.

Sue Kedgely: Will have absolute appeal to those wanting to shag a rich bitch, or at least one that looks like one. To quote friend research "There's something Dusty Springfield'esque about her, but apparently she's a thick as two short planks, but that's ok I don't want to talk about country of origin product labelling."

Lizzie Gillet: Has the "outdoors girl" look so will score high. Looks like she'd take her mountain bike to bed with her, and since oddly a lot of lesbians are bike riders, it's probably a good thing.

Linda Persson: The epitome of all that is sad in the lesbian world, this woman's picture should not be published.

Kath Dewar: Stoner girl, one would just hope that she remembers your name in the morning.

Labour.
Maryan Street: My flatmate thinks she is HOT, say no more. I just wish I could get the ick image of Nana sex out of my head. Friend comments are, "I can't really comment as she left my mate (her long term partner) for one of dear leader's aides. She wears sensible yet well made shoes and has a sexy voice. Sometimes that is enough."

Lianne Dalziel: Great shot, looks like she uses the same air brush technician as Dear Leader, one would then assume that she is a clit tease, all words no action. Go there if you want disappointment.

Jills Angus - Burney: Whats with the plural first name, is it to match the double barrel surname? She would definitely appeal to the quirky offbeat arty/ pseudo intellectual chick, but probably has lots of "issues". Double surname reeks of indecision as she probably thinks she's cool keeping her own name after marriage. She would probably do the deed but you would suffer for it for months after. Go there only if you like angst, and lots of it.

Anne Pankhurst: Just a lesbian "older woman" wet dream.

United Future.
Denise Krum: Looks like she'd have some appeal to your average Govt department middle of the road I don't want to stand out from the crowd lesbian. I personally would be unable to stop myself from obsessively staring at the ultra white teeth.

ACT.
Beryl Good: Gosh, can't you just see how tidily she'd put all the dildo's and sex toys away, colour and size coded and all very very clean. Go there only if you like being told what to do....precisely, to the millimetre.

Progressive:
Paula Gillon: Would have lots of appeal to the butches as she's your standard dreamy inoffensive blonde. Personally I like my women to be MEMORABLE, but she'd make a good butch accessory.

Elspeth Sandys: Bless. One could see that she would make good dinner party conversation, if only she could remember where she put the dinner, or if dinner is even on today. One would need to be careful to keep off certain subjects as they could possibly result in razor blade action.

Claire Main: Swoon. Where can I get a full size image of this girl. Though I must qualify that by saying the image on the site makes her look as if she has very short hair and very androgynous. If it's actually a tightly pulled back pony tail then delete immediately. Still a student, so much to young and doing, durrr, yawn yawn, political studies. One would need to be wary also as Mother is running for the same party, close Mother daughter bond could be off putting unless one was trying for the double.

So really, as reported by Cactus, the winner for me was "No Image Available", however there is one woman that I have not commented on, mainly because her image on the site did not provoke any reaction in me. I will report the friend comments, as it is true, this woman is HOT.

Louisa Wall: "She's tall dark and handsome. She used to be a netballer and has lovely hands. (That is polite lesbian speak for "Well Hung") She's a bona fide lesbian, but best of all she finally enticed my mate Ms *** to leave her husband after we had all spent years trying to bed her. She gets conversion points."

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

What about Heather Roy :)

unPC lesbian said...

For me, no no no.....I don't do femme and have only just broken the over 40 barrier....but she falls into the "older woman" lesbian wet dream category I guess.

llew said...

Rebekah Clement?

http://thekiwiparty.org.nz/web/index.php?option=com_contact&task=view&contact_id=16&Itemid=3

unPC lesbian said...

Same as Paula Gillon, Blonde butch accessory. Would be cheaper to maintain a puppy methinks.

little drummer boy said...

What about Katrina Shanks and Paula Bennett (Nats)???. Obvious boy choices I suppose.

You may have to be a little more descriptive as to what "well hung", means in Lesbian parlay. I'm having these mental images I probably should'nt be!!!!.

unPC lesbian said...

Paula Bennet, see H Parata. Katrina Shanks, totally unforgettable.

Now now, LDB, I know what your profession is so I shouldn't have to provide anymore anatomical information re 'well hung" in the Lesbian world, except to say that contrary to the myth that hetero women perpetuate to keep the males happy, size does matter!

I direct you to Cactus and the toilet roll debate.

Anonymous said...

What do you make of the Brit lesbian Cabinet Minister Angela Eagle (recently civilly partnered)
and Tory lesbian election candidate (!!!) Teresa May, UpcL?

Craig y
Gaynz.Com

unPC lesbian said...

That was cruel Mr Craig Y, I was eating my lunch!!

Angela Eagle, just reinforces that I obviously only fancy younger women...back to trying to eradicate images of Nana sex from my brain.

Theresa May, was very very hard to find any images of the politician of that name, when I found one I could see why, only thing I can say is see above , and nice taste in shoes.

Anonymous said...

And your take on Helen? Missing from your Labour Party list?

- chair -

unPC lesbian said...

The teeth! The Hair! but worst of all THE CLOTHES!!!

As said those commented on were those that sparked a reaction, tho I guess ick, vomit, never! could be classed as a reaction.

peterquixote said...

know what you mean about Heather Roy unPC,. i hardly dare tell you about the dreams i used to have about her but that was years ago and then i started on Sue Kedgley, and now you tell me she thick as two planks, and also in my dreams with her I could only eat lettuce and grated cheese and i kept having to say i was sorry for something i can not remember and I am not sure if sex with politician is a good idea or what do you say
pq

unPC lesbian said...

I'm told that sex with Louisa Wall is very good......

Jax said...

Oh. My. God. Genius. If only I had read this last week the election would not have been such a painful experience.

I'm definitely a Louisa Wall fan . . . although I would like to tie Sue Kedgley up and feed her bags of chips.

unPC lesbian said...

And they MUST be McD's shoestring fries!!!

 
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