Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Great Lesbian Reshuffle

As I alluded to in my slightly inebriated post of last week there have been even more break ups in the small incestuous community that is the local Lesbian scene. And yes my darlings even though I accidentally got tewwibly tewwibly messy that night I do remember all, bad bad NSBG buying me drinks. What was even badder was that first practice teenager, who is now working for me again, bought along a member of my staff, so now they finally have some gossip on me. Bad staff!

During the evening I noticed a woman that looked familiar who appeared to be "guarding" lead spot girl, seemingly so no one could get close. It finally dawned on me that I knew the woman but hadn't recognised her as she has lost almost half her body weight. She is still a large woman but has moved from morbid to just grossly. When I finally chatted with her I found that she and her partner have split. Go the break up diet!!

They were a couple that had reached the classic lesbian dream, owned a home in the suburbs, had a child, ate all the pies with no fear, and even tried to lose weight together. I didn't get the story of the break up as she needed to go guard lead spot girl again, but will no doubt hear it sometime.

This has me pondering the whole cyclic nature of all these break ups as so many happen at once, and then I wonder about what pastures all these newly singles move on to as the playground is so small. As I commented to another friend it's a bit like one of those progressive dinnery things, where between courses you move one place to the left, and don't forget to doe si doe at the end.

I however have decided to move away from the table. As my staff will tell you I'm a grazer, I eat the tops of this, the insides of that, and discard the unacceptable. I no longer want to play the old game and am working on my own new lesbian dynamic.

The philosophy and psychology of this new dynamic I will possibly discuss another time, but dear Auckland readers this will be a discussion point during my trip up next week.


Kitten Power said...

Ha ha!

Eating "all the pies with no fear" should be made into vows lesbian couples take together after the first date.

For civil unions we could then move on to eating all the cakes.

unPC lesbian said...

Absolutely....you know thats the main reason why some women are gay, as they think can eat all the pies. I do have a piss take story somewhere I was gonna post, but in researching it found that lesbian obesity is actually a major problem with a higher demographic that other sexual couplings.

Kitten Power said...

I went to the doctor for the first time in two years the other day and he was like, "You have gained ? kgs in the past two years, do you know why?"

I was like "yeah, I've had a girlfriend for two years."

He didn't get it . . . so I'm trading in my lesbian at the doctor stand-up routine for the gym. Only because I can't bear the break up method of weight loss.

unPC lesbian said...

Oh you're such a wimp Kitten Power, GET HARD!!

I'll see you on the dance floor next Saturday night and make you do some hard cardio.

Mrs Smith said...

"owned a home in the suburbs, had a child, ate all the pies with no fear."

love it.

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