My Turn!

After 5 years of regularly cruising my local St Vinnies shop on the weekends, it was my turn to be in for a fabulous treat. They caught my eye as soon as I walked in, I lunged to pick them up and look at the size. I swooned when the number was the right one and instantly tried them on, ignoring the fact that I was still in the entrance way and blocking the path of others trying to enter the store.

Another punter saw me with them and and commented with the single word of "niiiiiice", I politely replied with, "sorry, they're mine".

David Elman, loafers, immaculate, never worn by the looks as they haven't been broken in. $279 shoes for a mere $15. The child's bus money, but sod it she can walk to school this week.

Yes, yes, I do realise they are verging on being sensible shoes, aka lesbian shoes, but if one is going to wear sensible shoes at least they should be uber stylish as these are.

Lakshmi has been my goddess of choice lately so I'm attributing my luck to her.  My missing blue sock also re-emerged from the dust pockets down the side of the washing machine as well, so all in all a very lucky day yesterday.

Jillian Michaels and Ellen DeGeneres - Lesbian Overload.

Sadly I'd been called in to work the day this was on, but my good friend who texted to let me know of it has found the clip. Oh my, what can one say but swoon swoon, the two hottest media lesbians in America on stage at the same time. Yes, yes I know it's technically one out lesbian, and one deeply closeted, but maybe Ellen could give Jillian some helpful advice on the coming out process.

Said friend has also said she is going to purchase the Jillian Michaels Wii fitness thingy. I look forward to that. A night of lashings of bubbles and watching Jillian yell at us. Uber swoon.

Product Anyone?

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3am Rocks!

What a night, and just to prove that I still have what it takes I did 5 hours on the dance floor completely unassisted, AND in heels! What a laugh, all those years of misspent youth and it turns out you can have a hot HOT night without any illegal additives. As I was determined to not have a hangover, alcohol was severely restricted as well, and I only purchased one glass of bubbles at the venue, which I shared. This also meant I came home with loot still in my pocket. I do admit though that on my way out for the evening I consumed one of those new concentrated V shot thingies.

Big thanks to the team for putting on the event, and I hope they have at least broken even.

When we arrived there were only 6 people dancing, but as dancing was the aim of the night I went straight out there, dragged my crew with me, and there we stayed all night. The pretty young gay boys took a shine to me so I spent a lot of time dancing with them, and admiring their gorgeous muscled bodies when they took their shirts off. It seems adoration was acceptable from any gender that night.

The highlight of the night for me was the dj below, Sandi Hotrod from Oz. She came on straight from her flight, and her first tune was a huge percussion filled mix of Madonna's Like a Prayer. I never thought I'd ever be swooning over a Madonna tune on the dance floor. She then proceeded to throw out some hot beats and mixes, masses of percussion, double time beats, and the usual 8 bar drop outs that slow you down, just to pull you up again and throw you back in there. Hot, Hot, HOT.....and even hotter was watching her perform. Swoon, uber swoon.

I'd promised Polly Panther that I would have her back home by 3am, so sadly too early in Ms Hotrods set I had to leave.

So below is an image of what dancing for 5 hours and crawling in at 3 am looks like when you've hit the half century. Damn, should have topped up the lippy!

It's a public holiday here today so of course I have been fielding emails and text from work all morning! I'm now about to give up all pretence of an uninterrupted day off and going to head into work to deal the problems. Whimper

I guess it will mean I won't be able to complete my other project for the day which is shown below. I have a house inspection this week, so that means the usual round of cleaning. Where's a full time house boy when you need one?

Geek, Teeth and Dancing

Three completely different topics so should make for eclectic reading.

Geek: Yes the problem is fixed and as the fabbo NZM suggested it was just a flash player issue, one quick download and all sorted. Which leads me to conclude that in future whenever I have a problem I will just put the question up here and not waste days trying to be uber clever and fix it myself.

Teeth: Donnasoowho  has asked for an update on the implant post. It all went brilliantly. The drilling section that I was fearing was so brief I didn't realise he had done it. He drilled for about 10 seconds then stopped. I thought he had stopped to put another drill bit in, but no, that was all the drilling. The part that was a bit disconcerting was screwing the thing in. He uses a tool like a very small mechanics ratshit to do the job. As you can imagine there was also a bit of pressure applied, but that was all bearable. It took about 30 minutes all up. This is what I had done. Go have a look at his composite work as well. I can't praise this man highly enough as the work has been brilliant and not exorbitantly expensive. All up I have had 12 composite veneers, 2 baby teeth built up, 2 back teeth built up, 1 gold overlay and 1 implant. I will never EVER have a root canal done again. If ever I need one I will get the tooth out and a mini implant put in. The cost is the same, but the pain factor and duration of dental visits a fraction of that needed for a root canal.

Dancing: I have been coerced into going to this event tonight. Oh no, spend hours on the dance floor, I'm gonna hate that!! The child was asking about what time it started and finished. I said it started at 10pm and finished at 6am but I would probably be home around 3am. She started counting on her fingers and then said "but that's 5 hours of dancing. How can you spend 5 hours dancing?"  I said, "you just do", all the while wondering are you really that naive? However that WILL be the case for me tonight as these days my body Just Says No! I will also be predominantly sober as body is also not happy with alcohol either. I'm going to treat it as my cardio workout for the weekend.

Right, it's fashion crisis time. Are the skin tight jeans going to fit today?

Geek Question

Yet again I have another geek question for the blogosphere, you know you love them! I have an Internet Explorer issue. I'm running IE7 on XP. Over the weekend it suddenly stopped playing embedded video or animation in web pages, and just shows the nasty empty box frame with the little box of blue and red symbols in the top left corner. Video and animations all play perfectly in Firefox. Whimper.

I did a de frag and disc clean up over the weekend and that is all I can think that has changed. Maybe some files got deleted in the disc clean up. So far in trying to fix it I have:

• Downloaded and installed every update I can find
• Tried running it without add ons
• Checked advanced settings in IE options to make sure the show animations etc boxes are ticked
• Done a restore back to two days prior to disc clean up
• Re checked settings in IE advanced options
• Done the dreaded restore to factory default Internet Explorer settings
• Escaped from the  loop of death that process got me into over settings issues
• Done another restore
• Re checked IE settings again after that restore
• Scoured the net for solutions
• Screamed very loudly and stamped my foot and said the word fuk 6873 times

So all you readers who love helping me on my geek questions, what do I do now? All solutions gratefully received except for the following three options:

• Get a Mac (you know I yearn for one)
• Use Firefox, don't want to, can't make me
• Download and use Internet Explorer 8, see Firefox.

HELP.

Cougars

The word and concept of "cougars" has been a hot topic in the media over the weekend and today due to this advertisement. XChequer emailed asking my thoughts on the topic, and also pointed out the furore going on over at Handmirror about it. Do go read the Handmirror link, it's the epitome of all that is bad with 21st century feminism.

Personally I think the advertisement is hugely funny, and as I said to XChequer, women who actively seek younger men to have sex with do so because they want sexual activity with a male that is more virile and easier on the eye than those of their own age group.

I have since been pondering what word would be used to describe myself, that is a woman that is preyed upon by younger members of the herd. Then we must factor in the gender issue as well. Is there a different word for when I am hunted down by a younger female, transboy, or male? Urban slang dictionary calls the younger predator a barracuda, but has no word for my role, the innocent elder prey.

Suggestions please?

Jillian Michaels Breasts

Yeah yeah, I know stolen from facebook, and you just know what I'm going to say, the shoulders, the arms, the definition. Swoon.

However, there is one thing in this image that strikes me as odd, and no I don't mean the almost sneer. It looks like she has suddenly sprouted breasts. They look so much fuller than usual.

I decided that it was just an illusion from the camera angle as Jillian is so HOT she would never stoop to anything as tacky as enhanced breasts, until I scrolled further down my news feed and saw the next picture.

Fuk me, is that a pair of enhanced hooters or what?

One desperately hopes they are just silicon inserts, of the chicken fillet kind that is, not the pleasurable ones, and that her breasts will return to the former normal size.

Oh Jillian, you do realise that if you have succummbed to the Hollywood Barbie doll image then thats it, it's all over between us.

New Addiction

RTTB sent me the link to this blog today, I looooooove it, it is just too funny. It is allegedly the recorded sleep talk of a man with a very active dream life. Some gems are:

Dec 21 2009

"My snorkle! My snorkle! Judge won't like it if I don't have my snorkle! You PLANT it... Don't want baby snorkles."

"I'd like to tell you what a wonderful person you are. But that would make me a septic gash of a cunt who quite frankly had no concept of right or wrong."

 "Ooh! My balls are itchy. Have you got the cheese grater?"

"Awesome. Teddy bears bungie jumping."

Laughykate I do believe it is the perfect companion blog for Awkwardfamilyphotos.com.

Implant

I am about to go to the penulitmate session of project teeth. Today I am having a piece of titanium screwed into my jaw, ready for a fab new tooth to be attached to it next week. I know that in relation to how much metalwork others have crammed into their bodies this implant is nothing, but I will be CONSCIOUS when it is put in.

My concern is the sound that will be made when he drills into the bone. When I had a mole cut off my face I could hear the awful slicing noise. When the child was forcibly ripped from my womb I could hear the slicing noise from down below. I'm not looking forward to hearing this noise.

The Dentist assures me it's only very brief and has told me to just wind up the volume on the pod. He did also say he had drugs I could have (at a cost) that were far superior to nitrous oxide, but for some reason I have decided to be stoic and brave and do it fully conscious.

I forsee mass whimpering on the horizon.

What I Did On My Holiday

Or more to the point what I didn't do, and that was a lot of running!! I've just had a week of bliss in the warm sunshine of Christchurch being waited on hand and foot, having unlimited massages, and my every whim and need taken care of. I had been looking forward to some serious outdoor running time in the warm wind free environment, but that was sharply curtailed by the little accident shown below.

Funnily I didn't do it while actually running, but when I was stretching at the 2k mark. While stretching I was admiring some shoes in a shop window, then as I turned to run off my foot slipped on a micro step and under it went. Instant searing vomit making pain, and very ungainly rolling round on a suburban footpath followed.

When I managed to stand I found staight forward motion was ok, just any sideways movement wasn't. I managed to slowly jog back home, only to collapse in a pathetic weeping heap when I got there. RTTB ransacked the freezer and found a packet of frozen veg to put on it while I tried to be mature and deal to my tears of frustration.

The image below doesn't do it justice as the yellow and purple (lesbians favourite colours?) are more virulent in real life. I have however had a run today, so on the mend. Phew.

Fortunately it didn't mean that I would miss out on the other physical activity that was a highlight of my holiday, and  I managed to achieve and even exceed the predetermined targets in that field. Well I'm sure I exceeded though must admit that I lost track somewhere around day 2.5.

The holiday did achieve the goal of winding down and being relaxed. Now that I'm back home I am doing very very little, and what little I do do seems to involve beer and chocolate.

How Many?

My hosts for New Years eve had been given a tent/marquee thingy to put up for the night. It was a very kind gift from their friends but it arrived sans instructions. It very quickly turned into one of those "how many" jokes, as in "how many gays does it take to put up one tent?"

It seemed that one gay boy, one unpc-lesbian and one rough trade toy boi was not enough. We had several attempts and got close many times, but ended up with either being one piece too short, or having five pieces over. I made the executive decision (being corporate dyke and all) to leave it in tidy piles on the ground  and use it as a couples team building event when the guests arrived, as that seemed a fun thing to do. We then went to the supermarket which was a far more achievable goal.

One of the first couples to arrive included a fully finished trans boy, and it seems that spacial concepts comes as an add on with the transition process, as he had the fukker put together in  minutes.  I spent a bit of time acting as a tent pole during that process as I was the tallest person on site.

As you can see at this point construction was almost complete, and a few seconds after the image below it was just a matter of dragging the cover over. It turned out our original problem with trying to construct it had been attempting to make right angles. Nice tidy right angles are NOT a feature with this particular product.

It  also seems that having difficulty constructing this tent is a universal problem as the next day one of my hosts was sent the image below from friends. I do think that when we gave up, our couples team building solution was far more imaginative than the compromise solution used below.

After all these tricky spacial concept actions were completed we then proceeded to enjoy a small but perfectly formed little party. The piano was dragged into the marquee then RTTB and another guest played and sang a selection of tunes à deux, an eclectic mix of classic, opera and even Bon Jovi, with other guests joining in when they knew the words. A guitar was also brought out and the reluctant one convinced to play, and we ended up singing the New Year in with John Lennon's Imagine.

So altogether I had a very blessed and special night, and again went to sleep feeling  thankful and lucky for the world that I get to live in.