Monday, June 9, 2008

Who is John?

When I turned my phone on on Sunday morning I received a most unusual text. I am now going to transcribe the full conversation.

Random Texter (RT): Hey sexy gurl what u up 2
Moi: Who is this? and if you say it's a wrong number I promise I'll slash my wrists
RT: Hey i havnt txt da rong number im just trying 2 sleep sexy didnt go 2 bed til 6am
Moi: Show off, and yr name is
RT: Marcus
Moi: Who are you? and how did you get my number? Do you even know who I am?
RT: a m8 gave me ur numba said u were realy hot an funi
Moi: And yr mate is? How old are you? This is bizarre
RT: Lol 19 his names john
Moi:You def have the wrong number, I am sexy and hot, but also the same age as Madonna and with the same amount of kids
RT: And thatz a problm y i dnt mind
Moi: Now I need to find who John is.Go back to sleep junior. I like my women hot and muscley and my men RICH and clever
RT: Rich u say hahahahahahahaha du u know who i am im rich wel my dad iz so i am 2 kum on baby i kan buy u wateva u want
Moi: oh yr such a tease tease tease
RT: wil u keen buy u wateva u want
Moi: I see you ignored the word clever
RT: Lol im dat 2 uda wise i wuldnt own 3 houses
Moi : Have a bottle of Krug, NV is ok, delivered to W G*** @ XXXXXX. Do not contact me again. When I have received the wine I will text you.

That ended the conversation. Now of course the main question is "Who is John?" and "why did he have my number and pass it on to a child?"

And yes I know what you're all going to ask, if the wine turns up am I going to do a Mrs Robinson?


I received this text late Monday afternoon:

RT: Ur mean da least u culd du iz be nice fuk it dealz off il just find another olda chick 2 please

Moi: I'm mean? Gosh if you wanna play wif hot older women you gotta learn a whole new set of rules. Bye bye junior league.

Oh well I guess that means no Krug. Gutted, cos I had my eye on a nice set of Swarovski flutes to drink it out of.


The Token Sinner said...

A Mrs. Robinson? Lock up your daughter...

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