How Many Times?

How many times can I have the Hot and Spicy squid from the Canton Kitchen in my 4 days away?

Stop Bloody Raining

Stop bloody raining, stop bloody raining, stop bloody raining, stop bloody raining, stop BLOODY raining.

Normally I don't mind possible airport closures as we're the number 1 property for disrupts which means lots of lovely revenue, but as it's all about me and I'm flying today IT HAS TO STAY OPEN..

My tension has not been helped by the Prickly one sending me pictures of her reclining on a white sandy Caribbean beach, nice abs chook, but you still deserve to lose your bloody iPod for that sort of torture. And then at morning talk the RDM was gleefully saying it looks like a good day for disrupts, may have to get coffee girls to sabotage his coffee for that jinx.

I am so organised and on top of it all that I only have one task to complete today, then have the rest of the day to stew and fester over the weather. I think I may programme my phone to auto dial the airport every 10 minutes. And of course as I'm flying on the most budget of budget flights no lovely access to the Koru club or brandy testing for me.

I think I may go file some teaspoons just to keep busy.

Oooh, and I've just remembered I'm going to be off line for 4 days, goodness how will I cope. Can you believe it that there is a house in Auckland that doesn't have an internet connection AND doesn't have a computer in it. Of course since it is a property of architectural significance in NZ it really would spoil the integrity of it. And before you all start bleating about wireless and laptops, that's a NO to both!

`Fess up....

Who's the bloody clever clogs that has leaked the story below to Les Mills, I see someone from there has been keeping an eye on the story this morning. First time visitor to the site, easily identifiable ip.

Grrrr........you trying to ruin my holiday or something!!

NOT HAPPY!

Circuit Please PLEASE

As the child is again injured and not training I have decided to steal her Les Mills swipe card and take it with me on my wee holiday, and visit the big city gym while in the big city, weather dependent as I don't have a car this trip.

As a little aside, this is a modern single Mother anomaly. She gets a very cheap rate for Les Mills via her coach which I pay for, bad bad Mummy that I am. I don't have access to that rate and can't afford even the corporate specials so attend a very very micro gym close to home. If I am successful at getting myself in at Auckland, and no one notices that I'm not 15 years old, I may borrow the card more often down here.

However, I have decided when I attempt to go on Saturday for my "last chance work out" as such,(mid afternoon if anyone is interested) that I would like to do a circuit, I yearn to do a circuit as it's too long since I last attended a gym with a circuit. I am a bit confused though. I have trawled the Les Mills site, but all I can find are references to group circuit classes, but I don't want to do a group thing. I am self motivating I don't need anyone to yell at me to go harder, unless it's Jillian of course.

So could someone please assure me that there is a circuit there that I can access without having to bond with others?

Yoo Hoo Auckland...I'm coming to visit.

Yes, I'm finally escaping the rain in Wellington to enjoy the rain in Auckland later this week. It's supposed to be a few days of rest etc but as usual I seem to have filled up my dance card with coffees/dinners/catch ups that I fear I am going to be extremely busy.

I had been pondering whether to go out and do the dancing thing on Saturday night, or just chill at the beach, but thought what the fuk, it will be the last dance night out for a VERY long time so will "just do it". All you lovely ladies at Flirt, I'll see you there.

At dinner the other night I was discussing how I find it a bit odd that at my advanced years I still love going out and losing a few hours on the dance floor, when those around usually look like babies. I know Madge still does the dance thing, but it's her job. I have come to the conclusion that it's because my generation taught all following ones how to stay up all night and dance. We are the hippy/punks, and though we thumbed our noses at disco, and of course wore the "death to disco" badges on our second hand suit jackets, we quickly embraced the funk/groove/ soul vibe that followed the dreadful new Romantics/post punk era. We had clubs that didn't even open up till 11pm, coooeee anyone remember the fabulous 6 Month club?? I was the gorgeous coat check girl, my best job ever, made a fortune. I found a simple theory, the less items of clothing I wore the more money I made. However I digress.The second summer of love and the rave generation would not have happened without us paving the way.

(Woops, just had a little wander down memory lane and London in the mid 80's, stumbling out of clubs in the very wee smalls, knowing full well I had no cash for the night bus and had to walk. There were always people handing out cool arty fliers for the very early dance parties held in old demo buildings. I of course was so cool I was always given the fliers, and still have a collection of them filed away.)

Now my next concern for Saturday night is the usual, what shall I wear? Shall I give Roisin Dubh another outing, or old fave red bordello shirt which I was told was "very distracting" the last time I wore it. Oooh, and I've just realised as well that I will be going out anonymously. No one there knows me, who I am, so I can behave however I want. Very very tempting, but will remember my rules, no phone, no business cards.

ADDENDUM: I have now been invited to a stag party prior to going out clubbing. A couple who are getting civilised shortly are holding it and the invite requested "wear drag". I of course won't, but swoon swoon, girlie heaven.......will be a bit like the kid in the candy store, I'll have one of those, and one of those.......

Fuk Fuk Fuk

One of my morning staff has a habit of panicking at times and ringing me at 7am to sort shit. I have told her repeatedly to not ring me at 7am as I'm in the shower.

In my hurry to get out of the shower and answer the phone this morning I caught my foot on the corner of the shower door. The resulting injury is deeper than a scratch but not as deep as a cut, that is not the problem. The problem is that it's on top of a vein which has instantly swollen to quite a large and painful size. I can not wear a shoe on that foot. And not wearing a shoe means NO RUNNING.

Now is not the time for me to be going without my running endorphins, hell hath and all that.....I fear for anyone that pisses me off in the next few days.

A Slight Departure.....

.....from the usual ramblings of my ever so riveting life to venture into the field of movie review, not my usual style as books and words are normally my forte, but here goes.

Last night I watched Control, and big thanks to my local video store for making all new releases $6, so now I can afford to do something on a Saturday night besides finding new places to hide the razor blades.

The movie is about the short life of Ian Curtis and the band Joy Division, which if you are under 40 years old you will have no idea who I'm talking about so go visit someone else's blog. It's made by Anton Corbjin who obviously was a huge fan, black and white, and the performances of the actors is so stunningly perfect you'll be blown away. All the Joy Division songs are performed by the actors.

A most alarming aspect of the movie is the inference that the medical profession prescribed medication for Curtis's epilepsy, but left it up to him to dose and "see what works best". I guess we should be glad that Chris Knox had a better level of care so is still here to create great music and be a spokesperson for epilepsy in NZ.

It's such a perfect little period piece with some classic Bowie, Iggy and Roxy Music tunes in there as well. I am so going to get my hands on a turntable for the party of the year so we can play some of the classics.

Kitchen Bitch, if you haven't already seen it go and hire it immediately, the ex boyfriend will appreciate it immensely, since he was the one that introduced me to "Unknown Pleasures", one of the pivotal and most influential albums of my life. And to quote an Ian Curtis line from the movie, " it was only ever about Unknown Pleasures".

Woman on a Mission # 2

Ok, off to the gym last night to have a good go on the shoulders, oh look it's all the big boys again and little old me. Goodness nice big boy who usually wears a faded sweat top is wearing a singlet today and he is HUUUUGGGEEE, lovely shape and definition, but HUUUUGGGEEEE.

Right, 10 minutes row to start and warm up then on to kneeling row, haven't done it for a while so only 15kg, want to do lats after but some dork with a notebook is on it, oh well, dumbbell shoulder press 7.5kg, lat machine still busy so a quick 3 sets of shoulder flies at 5kg. Lat machine still busy, get off the fukkin machine dork don't you know I'm a shoulder mission. Memo to self, tell gym staff to put up time limit notice on weight machines the same as they have on cardio equipment. Bugger, now have to do the other dreaded lat one where you counter balance and pull yourself up, hate it, oh right, now that I've finished dork and his notebook move on. Off to the cable now for shoulder cross over thingies at 9kg, then cable chest at 18kg, then on to the lat machine for front bicep pull downs at 45kg. Oooh big boy is doing something different for his shoulders must remember that. Need another chest (sic) so swiss ball press at 10kg, then 3 sets of 21's at 15kg to finish off. Fuk me haven't done those in a while, they almost hurt. On to the cross trainer for 10 more minutes cardio and nearly fall off from laughing hysterically at seeing NSBG's husband and child on news story about unusual names. Jump on scales, wrists safe, head off home.

Fuel up on steak while chanting grow shoulders, grow. Get phone call from a friend who has been stranded at Auckland airport for over 5 hours cos we're closed down here. Laugh hysterically at her good Samaritan story of trawling through the main airport lounge areas and bringing assorted waifs and strays to the Koru Lounge to use up her points, all the while hearing clinking bottles in the background, testing the brandy apparently. Somehow through my laughter I agreed to help shovel and wheelbarrow a mountain of topsoil on the weekend, she assures me it will do wonders for my shoulders. I'm praying madly for rain.

Phew, decide since I've been a paragon of virtue all week and kind to my liver I can reward myself with one of my precious few bottles of Olssens 2002 Riesling, yummy yummy. Finally slide off to bed praying that my shoulders will be all gorgeous and shapely in the morning.

OMG! #2

In the last 24 hours I have seen two males (who are real men, not boys) that are VERY attractive, both have been presenters on a current gig. I would go and sit in to ogle but it all sounds dreadfully dull.

This has been the first time in about 4 years that I found any member of the male of the species attractive, and now two in one day.

I hope this doesn't mean I have to wait another 4 years.

Shoulders Please

Yes Yes, I know we're not supposed to admire her physique, too thin, obsessive, blah blah blah....but look at her arms, or more to the point, look at her shoulders.

Want! Want!.....I want those lovely roundy bits at the top please. I've been praying madly to the goddess of good shoulders but every morning I wake up and mine are still the same.

Little Drummer Boy, you seem to show a lot of interest in this area, do tell how I can make shoulders like that. I'm doing a heavy tonight at the gym, maybe today's the day the miracle will finally happen.

The Great Lesbian Reshuffle

As I alluded to in my slightly inebriated post of last week there have been even more break ups in the small incestuous community that is the local Lesbian scene. And yes my darlings even though I accidentally got tewwibly tewwibly messy that night I do remember all, bad bad NSBG buying me drinks. What was even badder was that first practice teenager, who is now working for me again, bought along a member of my staff, so now they finally have some gossip on me. Bad staff!

During the evening I noticed a woman that looked familiar who appeared to be "guarding" lead spot girl, seemingly so no one could get close. It finally dawned on me that I knew the woman but hadn't recognised her as she has lost almost half her body weight. She is still a large woman but has moved from morbid to just grossly. When I finally chatted with her I found that she and her partner have split. Go the break up diet!!

They were a couple that had reached the classic lesbian dream, owned a home in the suburbs, had a child, ate all the pies with no fear, and even tried to lose weight together. I didn't get the story of the break up as she needed to go guard lead spot girl again, but will no doubt hear it sometime.

This has me pondering the whole cyclic nature of all these break ups as so many happen at once, and then I wonder about what pastures all these newly singles move on to as the playground is so small. As I commented to another friend it's a bit like one of those progressive dinnery things, where between courses you move one place to the left, and don't forget to doe si doe at the end.

I however have decided to move away from the table. As my staff will tell you I'm a grazer, I eat the tops of this, the insides of that, and discard the unacceptable. I no longer want to play the old game and am working on my own new lesbian dynamic.

The philosophy and psychology of this new dynamic I will possibly discuss another time, but dear Auckland readers this will be a discussion point during my trip up next week.

Never Never part 2

Never never make a vital life decision when onto the second bottle of wine!!

I have just received a text to say "the table cloth is back on the table".

Welcome back Mac

I have the Mac back and running sweet and I'm blogging from it now, can you tell??? I am also continuing the child abuse as again I haven't transferred all the music files over from the pc, plenty of time for that.

I've just got back from another road trip visiting lovely old friends who insist on cooking yummy food for me along with fabulous wines. Last nights Waipara Hills Pinot Gris and the sticky we had were the stand outs. I've had to immediately go to the gym for a double work out, cardio and weights, and for those who are interested I've reached 15kg one arm preacher curls. YES!!

And just to show how influential I am in the lives of my friends, my hosts of last night made a momentous life changing decision that will always be linked to my visit. I think they were really trying to cover up the fact that they couldn't immediately answer one of my questions, which was, "so how long have you two been married now?" They got a bit lost on the mathematical calculation of it when working out eldest child's age plus or minus the 3 months pregnancy at the ceremony. 

However, sometime around the point when I was doing the little dance of happiness that the three of us were cooking together again, my hosts decided it was time to take the table cloth off the kitchen prep table and finally let the work surface begin to age and earn some battle scars of life!!! They know I will be checking regularly to make sure the cloth never goes back on. I may be tempted to carve my initials on my next visit.

A common theme also with the people I visited was how our eldest teenagers were turning into nice people that we all want to spend time with. As I was handing out the invitations to my up coming party, aka the party of the century, I said that teenagers were welcome to come. The consensus then changed to "no they're not" we want to have fun! Damn, there go my plans of getting the teenagers to clean up while the parents head in to town and the dance floor.

OMG !!

I am so breaking a vital rule, never blog drunk, but I absorbed so much juicy gossip and news tonight I just can't resist.

This is sooooooo the year of the break up.........and LSG (lead spot girl), who I think is ever so slightly connected to that story, is just the bee's and definitely Top Gear fridge material. 

NSBG just had sensory overload!

Wardrobe Crisis

There's a major lesbian event on in the city tonight, every lesbian in town plus a few hangers on will be there. OMG, what will I wear?? Oh, that's right, it's a lesbian event, panic over, they'll all be wearing the going out uniform.

It's a fundraiser show for the Drag Kings to help them get to Idke, now there's an event I'd love to go to, lots of boi's and wannabes hanging out for a few days.

Why am I blogging so much today? It's because I'm going on leave for a few days and I'm so up to date, on to it, and in the zone that all I have left to do is my out of office and voicemail. I could tidy my office again but I think I'll leave it for the slaves while I'm away.

I fear I may have a hangover in the morning.

Anal....Moi?

I've just received some pre Christmas menus from a competitor, an alleged 5 star property. They are a very amusing read with some extremely niche dishes which include:

• Fresh baked roles with extra virgin olive oil

I assume these are just for recent drama school graduates.

• Fresh organic leave with citrus flowers

How nice for them, but I wonder where they went to?

• Minted jersey beanies

Personally I prefer mint with my polar fleece beanie!

Never never rely on spellcheck when proofing.

Seconds Anyone?

Dinner party conversation on Saturday night spent a lot of time on the topic of "going back". Of course we were gossiping about other peoples lives, as you do, and as I have no life and live vicariously through others I was driving this conversation.

I don't understand when one is the dumpee in a relationship, and especially if the dumper has left for another person, or avatar, why one would want to go back to a relationship with that person. If it was me I would be living in fear that they were going to dump again if a seemingly better proposition came along.

When I was a company wife one of my neighbours finally kicked her husband out after she discovered his fifth affair, why did she let him stay for numbers 2 to 5?

With the most major dumping I have done in my life (the sperm donor after 15 years), even tho the option to go back was open for many months, there was no way I could. I knew that even if I ended the affair I was having, I would not be happy and would do it again.....the power of girl sex!

I just don't understand the mindset of "yes darling, I'll gladly have you back". How can you not live in fear, and constantly be on the look out for those tell tale signs. One dinner party guest said, squirmingly, that maybe the dumper only finally realised the depth of the relationship they had left when the heat of the affair fizzled. Then what does that say about the dumpee....doormat? Or someone who's ok with being seen as second best.

As I've said before I don't do this relationship thing lightly, I don't even do the second date. If you do get a second date and after 2 weeks I haven't done the "it's not you, it's me" speech then you're fairly sure I'm around for a while. Likewise, except for the one mentioned above, I also don't do affairs real or cyber when involved with another. If I felt that I was so attracted to another person that I wanted to get up close and personal, I would end the current affair. To not do so is saying "you're only second best" but I guess you'll do till something better comes along.

However, as I'm not involved with anyone, and not planning to be in the near future this is of course just conjecture. I am instead pondering a whole different dynamic of personal and sexual affairs.

Caption Contest

"Because I can!"

"Preparing to visit Auckland"

Photo supplied by bored teenager at gym with no phone reception. Child revenge methinks.

Please do send in your own captions.

Hot yet Not

Her name is Dara Torres, and yes she has the androgynous look and lots of lovely muscles, and one does admire her as she's 41 years old, a mother of 2 and about to compete in her 5th Olympics, but does she do it for me, absolutely not. If you want more pictures of her you can find them here.

By beloved Jillian however................swoon.............

Never Never Never

A few vital things your Grandma never told you:

• Never text drunk
• Never email drunk
• Never EVER text me when you are drunk and tell me to write a story!

Born Again?

Last nights little party proved to me that those straight girls totally have gutter minds as the conversation never really left that level, and it seemed that an inordinate amount of time was spent discussing vaseline.

However the consensus agreed that if one doesn't have sex for 6 months you then become a born again virgin.

Sadly that milestone is fast approaching, so now I want to know, do I get a halo as well?

R.I.P Toaster

It was a cow girl party.......need I say anymore.......

Weekend Chuckle

I found this on a certain website today, a nice bit of juxtaposition I thought. Guess who we weren't interested in, or just a new meaning to headless.

And to those who want to cruise (sic) that site, there's another on there that we shall just call baby sandwich.

Thank you Truckies

I know Cactus and Annie have already posted on it, but I must say thank you to the truckies. Because of the possible traffic disruption morning briefing today has been delayed till 10.30 which meant I got to sleep in till 8.00am. I feel like a new woman.

I am of course wholly supportive of their action because as has been pointed out all increased charges will be passed on to the user, and guess how all our food supplies get here. In F & B the standard operating expense for food costs is 30%, but we normally run at around 28% due to volume.

In the last 10 months however it has been a mission to keep food costs at the basic 30% due to increases in fuel and dairy, so cuts have to made elsewhere to preserve bottom line, and those cuts are usually in manning hours and basic pay rates. And guess who has to pick up the slack in staffing levels.

So, go truckies, go!

Coooeeee Charlotte

I am most distraught, I see that Sinnercyst, a junior league and very amusing blogger, has changed her blog to "invited readers only" and I'M NOT INVITED.

I'm very fragile at the moment Charlotte, I may dig out the razor blades over this.

Phew, dilemma over!

I've just been informed that our Beloved Leader will now NOT be attending one of our regular breakfast gigs tomorrow morning. Phew. I always have such a dilemma when she's on the floor and I'm making her cup of tea (white, trim milk) should I spit or spill?

Most times tho my floor staff ban me from going on the floor when she's on site, and would even stoop to gaffa taping my mouth (I'm not in a rest home, so it's ok) if I did venture out.

I'm sorry but someone has to tell her that the Yellow Jacket is hideous, and the red one that she's currently wearing to death is NOT MUCH BETTER, and don't even get me started on the one she wore in China with white bands around the lapel.