Tricky Questions

I had to do the Wellington to Napier drive today with the two teenagers in situ. This drive normally takes about 4 hours, today it took over 6 as for some reason Transit NZ has closed all the north bound passing lanes between Wellington and Otaki, and there lies first tricky question. Why?

The Mother said she thought it was to try and slow traffic to help road safety, but all it seemed to do was make some people aggresive and we saw some nasty impatient driver actions.

Along the way we had the iPod on shuffle and enjoyed a few Wayne's World sing along moments (sans head whipping) with an eclectic selection of tunes, ranging from Bob Marley, to Morcheeba, and even the odd old classic.

Then came a few hard to answer questions like:

"Mum, why is Aunty Cxxxx all strange and religious and not normal like you?", and "why has she got a funny haircut and wears yuk glasses?"

I was stumped at that lot, resisted the urge to say "you told me I wasn't normal last night", and used the universal answer of 'because', yet all the while thinking why?

It seems that being a devout christian has similarities to being a lesbian in that it gives you license to have no fashion sense and wear horrendous clothes. Why?

New Calendar

Amongst the corporate gifts I've recieved this year has been the usual collection of calendars. Sadly the calendar below was not one of them. I would very much like one of these on my office wall.

You can see the whole thing here. I'm torn between June, July and October.

Sleep Text

It is 10.12pm here and I have just received a text from the child who is upstairs. The text reads "I need bus money for tomorrow Mum. Please find some. I'm asleep."

Other parents have children that sleep walk, I apparently have one that sleep texts. I can see it now, one of those in depth expose tv programmes of the future "I abused my boss by text when I was asleep." or maybe the cover of this piece of trash. I wish the child would clean it's room while it's asleep, far more useful activity.

T'is the Season

Yesterday while I was doing my weekend wander round my 'hood, and getting my coffee fix, I came across an unusual festive scene.

There was a new busker playing at one of the prime busking spots. He caught my eye as even though he was just playing guitar, he had a proper music stand with sheet music on it. At first he just looked like your average scruffy busker, but when I looked properly I  could see he was wearing a clerical collar with his flannel shirt and cut off jeans. My ears then registered that he was singing Christmas carols. Run!

He must be good though and have a magic touch, as the dossers who normally frequent that corner were all standing up and waving their hands in the air, still clutching their recycled cigarette butts. A Christmas rave?

Small Incestuous World

I often comment on the small incestuous nature of the gay community that we live in, and tonight was a perfect example.

A good chum visited this evening to catch up on news, aka gossip over a bottle of bubbles. She said that she had just recently caught up on reading this blog, and that she knows a blogger who has recently commented here, and to whom I have subsequently linked, Ms nzalien.

My guest this evening has appeared a couple of times in my blog, here, and here. There are other appearances but one doesn't want to give too much away. However, nzalien, it turns out I know your sister. I first met her through work as I managed a conference for her, and then met her and her partner (who should never be encouraged to sing) at a dinner party.

So Jody, even though you have left this country for the wide wide world, this small incestuous community is still following you around, as they say - you can run but you can not hide!

Bunny Attack

I'm going to get this one up before Laughykate does, AwkwardFamilyPhotos never fails to amuse.

One can't help but wonder why? And who was he hoping to attract by wearing this oufit?

21st Century Advertising

I know this type of marketing had to happen, but why do both women have to be the epitome of the Hollywood concept of "beautiful" women? I guess the makers of this thought they were being all cutting edgy, but to me it's just a big fat fail. Where's the hot butch in a suit?

It comes across as some male "creative's" stereotypical idea of a lesbian wedding, the women aren't real, and somehow seems to have debased the original idea that they were trying to be revolutionary about.

Or am I just having an bad hair day?

Further Research

As all you regular readers know I find the concept of gender blurring and manipulation very interesting, and in some cases very appealing. 21st century technology means that women can now go beyond the basic options of androgynous and butch to taking testosterone and starting on the transition journey. It seems that this process can be fairly easily accessed, and in one case all too easily accessed, but that is a whole other story.

In past posts I have linked to various transboi sites, and also blogged on which of the trans options I would find most sexually desirable. So lucky me when the opportunity to test this out came my way.

What is a girl to do when cute young rough trade toy boi starts making his moves? Say "No, no, please don't charm me, woo me, or attempt to seduce me". I Don't Think So!

So all in the name research of course I had to find if my previous assumptions were correct. They were. I think however I may need to revisit this research some time, just to triple check my findings. I'd hate to be providing inaccurate data.

Small Things

It appears that small things keep me very happy. When I arrived at the office this morning two large boxes addressed to me had been delivered overnight. It took about 7.5 seconds for it to dawn on me what was in them, and when that happened I did the little dance of happiness.

I then started on my morning rounds bristling with pleasure and excitement. When I reached reception I was just bursting, and cheerfully exclaimed to the receptionist, "I'm so excited, guess  what arrived for me today." My enthusiasm was obviously infectious and she excitedly asked what had arrived. "Two brand new data projectors", I gushed at her. She gave me a very blank look in return. "They're wireless!" I said. The blank look I swear turned to one of pity. Well I was happy.

The two boxes have sat in pride of place at the entrance to my office all day, so that anyone who enters has to navigate them and be introduced to them. Finally some smart arse asked why I hadn't opened them yet. I would have thought the answer to that was obvious. I have been incredibly busy, and when I do open them I want to be able to fully savour the moment. I want to gently caress their little knobs, and read their little booklets, bask in the pleasure of my new gadgets.

I also admit that I found myself fondling the usb turntables in Duck Smuffs when I went to purchase the children's phone cards this morning. I did however resist the impulse to play with my vibrating remote mouse on my return, as that would have been just plain naughty.

And Another Two

Just because they're so hot.

My Boy

Haven't blogged about the boy lately, thats the singing boy not the other one. I see he's been playing up on a mainstream tv awards show in America. The full story is here. All I can say is "Go Adam!" Hot, Hot, Uber HOT.

Boy Sex

As you may, or may not know, I have been  pondering the concept of boy sex for the last year or so. I think it would be cool to have lovers from all three genders on hand to keep this girl amused. It also seems I currently satisfy the "older woman" fantasy for some and they have made their interest known.

On Friday a three hour window of opportunity to have boy sex came my way, and as it was the last gap in my social calendar till Xmas I made a rash decision and took the chance. It turned out to be a very enlightening 40 minutes of my life.

I would like to be able to say, boy sex, tick done - but in reality it's boy sex, big fat fail!

I've now had 48 hours to think it over and realise that the main reason I couldn't go through with it was TEXTURE. He hadn't shaved before turning up and the face roughage was unbearable. I quickly realised I was not able to endure kissing him, plus I had a dinner party on Saturday night and did not want a rash all over my face. Not being able to kiss meant my interest started to wane, so he then took off most of his clothes. I should have realised by the level of whiskers just how hirsute he was. I now have a concept of what George Michael must look like when he misses his waxing sessions, it was possibly even more than your average bear could cope with. I'm known to enjoy a bit of hair pulling, but it's the action of cupping my hand around a head that is enjoyable, being able to pull someones shoulder hair is decidedly not erotic. So now I couldn't bear to touch as well as kiss.

Another reason I couldn't do it was that of power/dominance, or to put it into gayspeak the top/bottom issue. While he was attempting small talk I kept waiting for him to make his move. He's a 35 year old, well travelled man who has spent a lot of time telling me how much he wants to have sex with me, yet during the small talk section I saw that I had all the control, and at one point did say that I could play with his head as well as his body. He had no idea what I meant. As much as the Mrs Robinson scenario amused, it was not what I wanted. I wanted to be seduced slowly and erotically and I could see that wasn't going to happen. Him male - be assertive. If I was going to have to pull out all my seduction moves then it may as well have just  been another woman.

The final killing blow was the curtains. When he took his clothes off he pulled the curtains. Those who have spent time in my room can attest to it being a lovely place to while away the time naked with the CURTAINS OPEN and the sun coming in. Also the taking off of his clothes showed that he didn't work out as hard as he implied, and it appears that I like men to be even more cut than women. I was tempted to compare biceps but I guess that humiliation would have been just too cruel.

I then went through a swift mental calculation of; send him away and chill on  the sofa with Glee and Oz Idol, or go thru with it as quickly as possible so as to be able to say I DID it. TV won.

I then told him to leave, which he duly did in about three minutes flat.

So lessons learned, and males pay attention. It seems if I'm going to attempt boy sex  the male in question needs to have a smooth face, preferably waxed. Chest hair is acceptable but is not to encroach on shoulders or back. Muscles and body definition are important, but what is really important is a positive assertive attitude with the accompanying desire to throughly take control and seduce me in an erotic seductive manner. I fear it may be some time before I try this experiment again.

I'd kinda like...

...to meet this person. It's from People of Walmart, I'm getting the look - tick, does it for me - the dwarfs along side are a whole other story though.

Gotta Be

Gay boys that is. I think it's the centre one that's the dead giveaway.

Deja vu (or when you're hot....)

It appears the great fork magnet has been directing it's field on the Firm and all our forks have vanished in the last few weeks. I'm convinced there's a huge black hole up in the universe somewhere that is just heaving with forks and teaspoons. However the lack of forks meant a visit to one of those cheap chain everything for the home stores today. This one fortunately was having one of their "everything discounted to midnight" sales so I managed to pick up a replacement lasagne dish as well.

While I was surveying the forks and mentally calculating the best end cost of the 25%, 40% and 50% deals offered, someone came and talked to me. When I focussed on what he was saying I realised he was asking me on a date. My immediate response was "you've done this before" and sure enough it was my Indian stalker boy. Deja vu! He said he still wants to take me out for coffee or a drink, two years on!

I gave in this time and said yes, and the look on his face was a treat. It appears he has moved to a more upmarket suburb hence not running in to him over the last 2 years. I did tell him that I am very busy, but he said coffee is fine.

I am intrigued. Why does he still want to have a date with me? But 10 points to him for being brave enough to try again.

Vampire Teeth

I finally got back to work this week and can honestly say I did not need to start the week yesterday by working in the Auckland office in the morning, and the Wellington one late afternoon and evening, however I survived.

Today saw the start of project teeth, which means three 2.5 hour appointments in a row. I had the first one this afternoon and by Thursday phase one should be complete. I had initially visited this particular dentist about a molar repair, but during that consultation he pointed out the vast amounts of erosion on my teeth which he recommended being repaired before proceeding with the molar. It seems the erosion is caused predominantly by wine tasting, as the swirling and spitting keeps the acid in constant contact with the delicate tooth enamel, and then starts to eat through it. This just proves what I always thought was true, it's better to swallow than spit, hence the name of my wine tasting team being "Nice Girls Don't Spit".

The work being done consists of having the six front top and bottom teeth covered and extended with composite, somewhat like a veneer, the remaining baby teeth built up with composite, a gold onlay over the grumpy molar, and finishing off with a mini implant. Sadly NZM, project teeth means that project Barcelona will now not be happening next year. Whimper, but, but -  I had to make one of those dull tedious adult decisions. (sometimes being a mature adult is the pits!)

After I got settled into the chair today I was asked if I'd like to watch a movie or a show at all. I then noticed the screen on the ceiling. I was given a remote and some headphones and started flicking through the options. After my second run through of the selection available I contemplated asking if I could see the arthouse section please, but couldn't speak due to an excess of equipment in my mouth. I ended up watching Juno again, will take the iPod with me tomorrow.

Just over 2 hours later I left with some new looking fangs, and I mean FANGS. He said "a couple of them are a bit long but they will trimmed tomorrow". I definitely have vampire fangs as he started on those side teeth and will complete the centre ones tomorrow. I also can't eat, so made soup for dinner, but of course if one has soup one must have toast. It's quite difficult to suck a piece of sunflower and barley Vogels to a suitable swallowing consistancy, but it can be done.

And on a completely unrelated note, it's back to carrying the childs internet cable in my hangbag. Yes, it's the bedroom/bathroom cleaning showdown again. Little does she know that if I have to clean her bathroom before project personal this weekend, then the lack of internet will be extended over the whole weekend. Ooooh, that may spur her to go and stay at a friends and use their internet. I may carry out this plan.

Great Excitement

Yes my world is so small  that the oddest things give me great joy these days. You will see from the post and comments below that I did something very brave and daring yesterday. After I had finally got the new template up and running I found that I had lost the  blogger navbar up the top there. I know it's not pretty but I find it very useful and the fact that I didn't have it irritated the fuk out of me.

Blogger help was as usual no help, so I had to trawl through various geek forums to find the solution, and it turned out the problem was a piece of code that looked like this:

#navbar-iframe
{
height:0px;
visibility:hidden;
display:none;
{

I then had to go into the code of my template, find the offending piece and remove it, which I did and voila navbar is back.

Now I know you geeky types are going yawn, yawn how trivial and basic, but to me this was a HUGE and valuable learning experience. It ranks right up there with being taught how to change a car tyre properly by a lovely traffic cop when I was a non obnoxious 15 year old. A skill that has served me well all my life, I've never forgotten, and a task I pride myself on being able to do quickly and efficiently (even in the dark by the light of a cigarette lighter in the middle of nowhere!)

I can now see from the little light that switched on in my  brain yesterday that I am going to get all OCD about code now, and what I can learn to do with it. Oh well, makes a change from dribbling on about muscles and workouts I guess.

New Look

So after much dithering this is my new look, though still a bit of a work in progress while I gradually tweak colours and font sizes. I had to manually re load the blog roll, which I have done and tested every link, so you won't end up in some cyber never never land due to data entry dyslexia.

The one small problem that I have now is that I have lost the blogger tool bar across the top. The one that gives you the option to sign in from the blog, and the blog search box, which is something I use quite often. Blogger doesn't really make it that easy to use a template other than the dull 16 they provide on site, but I will persevere.

Woman on a mission, and anything to avoid doing the gardening, floor mopping, laundry, dusting, vacuuming and dishes that are all begging for my attention right now.

Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh

It seems the plague has scaled itself up to be man flu, however whatever it is I am totally over it and wish I would start to feel better sometime soon.

I so need to be back at work next week. The summer clerks start next week and I have yet to rebuild all their pc's. Project teeth starts next week also, which means many hours off to get the work done, then the week culminates with project personal which I have to be 100% better for.

I've spent the last two days trying to find a new blog template, as I think it's time for an upgrade. I have trawled through thousands and finally found two that are acceptable but when I upload them I find I lose my blogroll. It appears the blog roll is seen as a widget, which I can't see why as the new templates will upload the blog archive ok, and they are both just standard boxes available on the basic blogger layout, nothing that I've uploaded. My html skills are not up to making it happen, and my brain isn't up to even understanding the instructions to make it happen right now. HELP. I neeeeeed a new look, but I don't want to have to load the blogroll in manually. Whimper.

Plague

I'm with Piglet on this one. I have the lurgy so bad all thoughts of my not being able to run have surprisingly vanished. I still refuse to entertain even the slightest possibility that I may have "that" flu.

Endorphin Deprivation

I have now reached the stage of Not Coping Well with the lack of running endorphins, though I do admit that advanced sublimation may also be compounding said issue.

I now have 1 week and 5 days until I can run again, and even though I have been doing masses of other forms of cardio, (rowing, bike, stepper, grumpy trainer and a swim) nothing except the swim seems to trigger the right endorphin effect.

I have just had to go the supermarket for the third time today as silly Mummy's psychic powers also seem to be failing, as I didn't automatically know that all the cheese had been consumed last night. I guess the rule "always tell me when you have eaten the last of something" has for some reason been cancelled and I wasn't informed.

I am now resisting the urge to leave a note dripping in sarcasm on the car parked in my spot out front. When I left for the supermarket my car was tidily parked with space for another behind it. When I returned 5 minutes later a car smaller than mine was parked there, in the centre of both parks, leaving a useless sized space in front and behind. The parking Nazi reigns.

I have somewhat foolishly decided to make cannelloni this evening as I had a surplus of spinach on hand. I'm picking in my current mood if the pasta roller jams up it may not be a pretty sight to behold.

However, big YAY - it's Ladyhawke tomorrow night at the San Francisco Bathhouse. Looking forward to seeing her big time.

Sublimation Day 2

It was bye bye lavender today. I can't believe it can grow that much in just a year.

Funny how I've just gone slash and kill on the interesting stuff. The really dull stuff like pulling out weeds seems to be sublimation resistant.

Rowing

Suddenly I'm seeing all sorts of reasons to take up rowing as my main form of cardio - I can even see past the long hair.

Sublimation # 2

I appear to be sublimating again and channeling said energy into cleaning the garden this time instead of the kitchen.

The Mistress of Anticipation appears to be out of practice as well, which of course means it's sublimation squared.

Not Happy!!

I have developed plantar fasciitis which is a fancy name for a sore foot. It is apparently a common injury for runners, which also pisses me off, cos you know, I'm special, not common!

My Doctor sent me off to see a podiatrist today who's claim to fame is that he can cure the condition while you keep training. Well that turned out to be a pile of runny dog poo as well, as the first thing he said was "no running for a month". As I have said before I don't cope well without my regular running endorphins. He tried to soften the blow by saying I'd already done the first week as I haven't had a run since last Wednesday. He also suggested that I could do spin. Fuk me, I have a SORE FOOT, not some bizarre masochist complex.

So I went to the gym tonight to do some cardio and started on the rower feeling very virtuous that I had the pod on shuffle and wasn't listening to new fave tune for the 4th time today (unrelated video 3 times) and was going well till the 15 minute mark when the smelliest boy in the gym decided to run and fart at the same time on the treadmill next to me. Off to the bikes. After 15 minutes on the bike I remembered I HATE BIKES. Off home to slash wrists.

Get home and of course remember that I can't slash wrists as I'm a waxer, and child's blades are rusty (I may want to slash but I'd hate for them to get infected) so thought it would be much more fun to deeply gouge my knee with my thumbnail while I attempted to take my running lycra's off without taking off my shoes.

My long weekend plans are now screwed as the highlight I'd been so looking forward to was breaking 15k on the road. I don't know how I am going to survive the next three weeks.

Deja Vu

I have had ocd moments before, but this time instead of cables I have spent vast amounts of time this weekend filing data files. My inbox is now 1 page only, and I have lots of little folders filled with the hundreds of emails that I will still never read again, but they are now tidy.

My pictures are super tidy as well and for the first time ever all tucked away in little folders safely. The good thing with that is, I have left a select few images on the main page so that one can go swoon when they open the folder.

While doing some of this I played the new favourite tune obsessively over and over, 6 times in a row. I may repeat this particular ocd moment shortly as I think it may be a new form of child abuse.

I accept that I have very sad life.

Jillian Michaels is SO Gay

I've stolen this from her Facebook page, cos you know, straight girls ALWAYS put up links to Drag Queen stuff!

Continuing the Theme

Todays stalker attack included this image - am I really that shallow?

More Stalking

As stalking goes I'm kinda liking the interesting approach........

More Butch (swoon)

As you all know I have a wee soft spot for hot HOT butches and have prattled on about it before. This young thing has vowed to stalk me across all mediums on the interwebby thing, oh no, please don't!!

So to all my Amercian readers drooling away out there, yup - there are some things we know how to down here very very well.

Been Busy

Have been uber busy of late Corporate Dyking and swinging my hatchet around. This week included a quick trip to Auckland, and gutted I missed Cactus by 24 hours and I would have loved more inside gossip on this story, but XIE filled me in on a wee bit.

Lesson learned, never plan a drink date with Linkwhore because he's liable to stand you up, just as well I had back up dates organised. Oooh and now I can't link to his blog cos it seems I've been dumped as a facebook friend!!!!! [runs to find razor blades]

Now battling an icky cold (thanks I.T Manager) and even ickier weather, which is making me reconsider my plans of watching the hot girls in skimpy clothes battle it out on roller skates tonight., but as I still have a supply of those cold pills, I'm sure I'll make it.

Now to decide if I'm gonna manage some cardio today at all.

More Hiss Spit

I am so beyond advanced sulking now that I find the fight was a perfect show - knockout in the second round - NOT FAIR!

Hiss, Spit, Humph!

Silly, silly me. I have just found out that the fight of the century is not going to be shown on free to air tv. That kills my plans for Saturday night, may have to go out to a party instead, or gatecrash anothers gin and guitar hero marathon.

When I watch these fights I sit there willing a knock out in the first few rounds, even better an almost knock out and a dazed fighter wandering round thinking they're ok. However, as viewing this bout seems to be only for the privileged few I hope it goes the full length, (and no I don't know how long that is because if it's not over in 4 rounds I've switched off) and that it ends up being one of those dull points results.

Surely the advertising revenue for free to air transmission would far exceed that of pay per view?

Valuable Lesson

The child learned a valuable lesson last week, and that is - not to put socks and boots on straight after getting a spray tan in preparation for the ball.

Is Jillian Michaels a Lesbian #4

A commenter on an earlier Jillian Michaels post has said that Jillian is straight because there is an image on her facebook page of her in a hot tub with "my gorgeous boy". After looking at all the images I have decided he is either her brother or oldest friend as shown in another image.

The following photo's however just continue the speculation. Vanessa, or "V" appears in many shots and the one below has them holding hands with FINGERS INTERLACED........


However, the one below with V and Jillians brother looks innocent until you look at where V's left hand is......

I rest my case.

30 Years on....

The goddess of my youth still does it for me.....

More Bleeding Obvious

It's a well known fact that I don't do ball sports, or watch ball sports, not even netball with all those women in the eeeny weeeny skirts. This image however caught my eye yesterday, and even though she is from the other side, you just know what I am going to say.

The tone....the muscles......I say no more.

Why?

Yes, all you Kiwi readers will know where I stole this from, but all I can say is why? As hard as I look it seems as though they are real fakes and not photoshop fakes. Why would any woman want anything that large hanging off her neck, and lets not even start on the ethics of the surgeon that put them in.

I do wonder what will happen in a few years when she has major back issues, is the taxpayer going to end up paying for her fukked up idea of what is a hot set of breasts?

This set of knockers however is absoluuuuutely perfect, very much yum, triple yum. I think I'd do my best to get up close and personal with this set of breasts, and the rest of the body they're attached to.

History

Yeah, yeah I know been here done this on facebook already, but I am just so pleased to find this clip. It's been a rock chick theme weekend what with Suzie Quattro on Aus Idol, roller derby, which is rock chicks on skates, then to find the goddess of my youth ( not gay, not gay, just looking) singing the rock anthem of my life (or just very good at miming, don't care) I am so HAPPY. Gonna play it over and over incessantly.

Old Punks Do Die

At the risk of encroaching on Curtain Call territory it seems a certain generation are starting to leave the planet. This week there was food, music, and dance, aka Floyd, Jim Carroll and Patrick Swayze (and I do like the foreign language overdub on that clip), the punk generation is starting to thin out.

Whoever would have thought all those many trashed years ago, or those that you can remember, that the music of the seminal Joy Division track below, would be used as the music bed of the new feel good, bond with me, TV One self promotion clip. Ian Curtis must be spinning.

Stating the Bleeding Obvious

Finally the gender tests on Caster Semenya have been released stating what we all predicted in the first place.

Gosh, she'll be in great demand on the lesbian circuit. Swoon

Cut from Facebook home page

Hide
Jacqui Stanford whoa grumpy chemist lady with your 'what do you want a decongestant for?' Um, congestion.


9 hours ago · Comment · Like / Unlike

Jonathan Williams
Admit it Jacqui, you're taking an illicit sick day to make P aren't you?
9 hours ago

Jacqui Stanford
Damn it. Am I that transparent!?
9 hours ago

Jonathan Williams
Clearly. (pah! pun!)
9 hours ago

Jacqui Stanford
You're on fire! As my apartment will be if I don't concentrate on cooking up the P.
9 hours ago

Jonathan Williams
One must always watch one's cooking. Come on guys, get firewise.
9 hours ago

Jacqui Stanford
Don't drink and fry!
8 hours ago

Jonathan Williams
Wait, you're drinking and taking decongestant? Maybe chemist lady was onto something. Did you go to the pharmacy with a G and T in hand?
8 hours ago

Jacqui Stanford
Did I walk into a chemist with a G and T? Hell no. But there was the open bottle of tequila and bag of lemon wedges. She wasn't impressed when I asked if they sold salt.
8 hours ago

Jonathan Williams
Did they? I always need to make sure I'm near salt vendors in case I need emergency tequila.
4 hours ago

Jacqui Stanford
She didn't have salt. Nor did she accept my offer to play 'one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor'. Pity. The hangover cures would have been right there on the shelf.
4 hours ago

Jonathan Williams
I think that's very shortsighted of her. Surely working in a chemist can't be that fun for her to turn down tequila shots?
4 hours ago

Jacqui Stanford
Exactly. I thought it would cheer her up. And it was like 10am, surely that's shot-o-clock somewhere.
4 hours ago

Jonathan Williams
It's always shot-o-clock somewhere in the world.
4 hours ago
Write a comment...

Cool Tattoo

I stole the image from Boganette, but what a cool tattoo - hundreds of other possibilities are running through my mind - thank goodness. Anything to erase the codec, HE- AAC, AC3, HTPC geek speak gobbledygook that is jamming up my braincells right now.

Help, Geek Question

Why? Have finally succumbed to a flat screen tv, with built in Freeview. I am connected to a UHF aerial, all channels tickety boo, except the sound is out of sync on TV3 and I can't figure out what to do.

All the other channels are fine, and TV3 plus 1 is fine.......help......it's so irritating.

Addiction Prediction

I just know I'm going to get addicted to this site - when I finally figure out how it works.

Shared Dressing Room

There was only one backstage area for the performers to dress and do make-up. Cardinal BiCrikey was doing his make up at the same time as the performer in the bottom picture was getting ready.

I do think the Cardinal may have got his face on far quicker had he been looking at his own image in the mirror, and not the other one.

Presenting your Hostessi for the Night

Spot the Odd One Out

...did she get the same invite as the others?

Oarsome

I didn't get in till 4am this morning, so will blog later with story's and pictures of the big night, however one moment is stuck in my brain.

At a late stage in the night a punter said to me "your music is crap". My response was, "well fuk off and go somewhere else then!".

Funnily 5 minutes later she was up on the dance floor. It took all my willpower to resist the urge to say "I thought I told you to fuk off."

Normal Transmission Will Resume Shortly

Just need to get this event over and done with, then I may be able to write some actual words, and not just fill the page up with photo's of hot women.

She is a Woman

.....and a fukkin H.O.T one as well!!

Uber Swoon

A final arm and shoulder image before I head off into the week. Her name is Skyler Cooper, and funnily, she's a personal trainer. Wish we had ones like her at my gym.

I stole the image from here.

Continuing with a Theme

And yes Facebookers I have already put it up there, however just continuing with the shoulder and arm theme. I don't really know much of Joan Jett's music or life, but she must be somewhat interesting as a movie is being made of her.

In most images I've seen of her, and the ones I've used on the ball poster, she is usually dark haired and cute, but there was obviously a time when she was a diesel dyke, all short and bleached. This video is from then, don't know what year it is. You don't even really need to put the sound up as it's all about the shoulders and arms.

Shoulders Everywhere

Seems you can find hot shoulders and arms in all sorts of places these days, just a shame everything else in this picture is just wrong!

Laughykate is the one who got me addicted to this site - hours of amusement.

The High Cost of Being Femme

As I have mentioned before I have a ball coming up shortly. It is now B day minus 9, so of course the fashion issue is hotting up. As I am one of the creators of this event, and co hostess and compere for the night, the fashion issue is V.I.T.A.L.

All has been going fairly smoothly, the dress is now finished, shoes sorted, only the accessory crisis left to deal with. For some odd unknown reason I started to add up the cost of the outfit. Much of it has been acquired on sale however the numbers are as follows:

Dress, originally $549, purchased on sale, $99.00
8 metres of sparkly netting sewn into underskirt, $28.00
Shoes, buy 1 pair get 2nd half price, $50.00
Lacey bra that was meant to look good under the dress
but doesn't so now lonely and forgotten on the shelf, $35.00
Silicone chicken fillets for cleavage, $20.00
3 extra eylets put into shiny black belt, $18.00
Black belt that caught my eye and matches shoes better, $25.00
Necklace that was perfect, till I decided none was better, $79.00
Fishnets with gold back seam, half price sale, $11.00

Total so far, $365.00

Still to go are party feet front soles and heel pads, eyebrow tinting, new blusher, and lets not forget all the expenses on the night.

It's a fukkin expensive business trying to be femme sometimes. As the theme for this event is Rockstar I almost wish I was butch so I could just put on a flannel shirt and a badly fitting cardy from the op shop, then go as Kurt Cobain.

Muscles and Poles

What can one say really but the muscles, the control - I guess you wouldn't want to get your head trapped between these thighs - or would you?

What's Wrong With Me?

I fear there is something terribly wrong with me - I have just bought another dress! I now own two, plus the ball dress, but that one doesn't count as it's more costume than dress.

I don't know what is happening to me. I can now go a full week at work of wearing a new outfit each day and NONE of them trousers.

I'm sure I'm going to have my Lesbian card taken off me soon.

Ouch!

What I should be doing, going for a run as I missed out yesterday. What I am doing, eating my entire bodyweight in carbohydrates in an attempt to cure the hangover from last nights Lesbian Vampire Party. Awesome night, though I do fear I may now need to join that Facebook group called "unknown drunken injuries".

As well as the great costumes people had on, the heaving cleavages and lashings of blood everywhere, the great venue and food, the most special part of the night was when the whole room sang for the birthday girls. We had been discreetly handed lyric sheets for bastardised versions of two well known songs, and with encouragement of the comperes everyone sang heartily. Neil Diamond will be spinning when he hears what happened to Sweet Caroline.

While I was partying here, the child had headed to the Bay for number one daughters combined 18th birthday party. I chose not to attend that I got the impression that parents were sorta not welcome. The Sperm Donor didn't take that message on board though, and in the weeks prior to the party there was much friction and drama from him and the Stepmother about attending the party. In the end the Stepmother was ill and didn't go, and the Sperm Donor spent much of the night cleaning out vomit in the boys toilet. There is justice in life sometimes!

Now maybe just a wee lie down before I go pick the child up from the bus.

More Shoulders and Arms

This was going to be a post about how excited I am that I managed 3 sets of Arnies today. Only 5 reps at 5kg, but it was my first shoulder workout in 6 months. Yahoo, slowly, slowly getting back there.

Of course at the mention of the word shoulders I can't help but touch on the state of Madonna's shoulders and arms, since images have been flooding the media today. So here we have a little photo essay from the unpclesbian perspective.

First up is HOT, yum yum....beat me any time woman.

Next still uber uber HOT, possibly even better that they were in the image above, definitely *thud* pick me up off the floor material

Now the start of what's got the media buzzin, not pretty, but not overly yuck, still looking like a few good Kiwi roast dinners could help a bit.

And finally the image that's got the media spinning. Not pretty, one does hope she'll stop whatever it she's doing and go back to toned and bulky, not toned and sinewy.

She also seems to have had some more weird face stuff done as well and you can see some images here.

I do hope she gets over whatever the current obsession is and gets her physique back to the hot HOT shape she used to be.

International Lesbian gets an Award

Cactus, while you're out of town International Lesbian got some kind of awardy thingie at an event called Most Extraorindary Women in Finance 2009 - Benchmark & HBC, but judging by the 102 pictures in the album on facebook, a few other women got awards too. And you would have thought the facebooker could have spelt extraordinary correctly as it's splashed all over the backdrop.

Still, well cool and congratulations, and I must say her new profile shot on facebook is hot, Hot, HOT.

Hormones vs OCD

Impromptu quiz time everyone - is it hormones or late onset OCD?

I have just unknotted and tidily rewound every power, phone charger and computer cable in the house.

One for Little Drummer Boy

I've gradually been allowed to get back into lifting weights and this week got the all clear to start lats again, not long to go till project shoulders will be back in action one hopes.

So, LDB, today's work out was:

10 minute paddle, 3 sets lats @ wimpy 30K, 3 sets of nasty shoulder lift thingy on the mat, 3 sets machine seated row @25k, 3 sets back flies with 4k dumbbells, 3 sets kneeling row @14k, 3 sets single arm preacher curls @ 12k, 3 sets concentration curl @ 7k, 3 sets machine triceps @36k, 3 sets single arm triceps back drops @ 5k, 10 minutes stepper, then 10 minutes bike cos they had a new trash magazine.

For some reason the gym has purchased new free weights that go in 2kg increments, so I've lost my faves 7.5 and 15kg. One hopes after the sports Doc visit this week I'll be allowed to lift over my head again. The next 4 weeks will also see intense bicep workouts as I start trying to sharpen them up for the ball. I'm kinda liking the idea of the super femme dress and heels paired with pumped up arms.

The New Burlesque

I have an event on at the end of August that I have been booking entertainment for, and this has meant I've had to go to various shows to check out the performances. Such hard work I know, but someone has to do it.

As I have my finger firmly on the pulse of what is hip and happening in Wellington (and my tongue firmly in my cheek), I can categorically tell you that Burlesque is the New Big Thing. I'm talking the classic burlesque of risque seductive moves, innuendo and suggestion, and if breasts are ever fully revealed they are covered in gorgeous sequined pasties. Now there's a good job for a backstage dresser, fitting the pasties. There are no sleazy split beaver shots, no gratuitous nudity, and all is designed to entertain the viewer.

I have booked two of the acts I saw at the "Ready for Take Off" show, and I've managed to find a video of one of the gorgeous gals for you, it also helps that she's doing her act to a haunting Massive Attack tune. So push play and enjoy.

Addendum: Forgot to say, if you ever see Eva Stranglove is performing somewhere, go see her, Uber UBER H.O.T.

Is Jillian Michaels a Lesbian #3

As you all know I have blogged several times about the sexuality of the most swoon worthy Jillian Michaels and of course her fabulous physique. My first post on her touched on her previous business partnership with the openly out Jackie Warner, and my second post gave my most definitive reason for her being gay.

Funnily it seems that I'm not the only person on this planet to ponder over Jillian's sexuality, and the second post I refer to receives so much traffic every day that I'm considering putting up advertising on it. You will see from the comments on that post that I've been hinting about a picture someone sent me.

I have been honest all along and said that in not publishing the image I was using a classic literary technique called "building tension", or "creating a cliffhanger", and I have warned you all that in the image she is fully clothed and that you'll probably all be disappointed, but finally here it is.

Yes, I can hear you all screaming from here "we've seen that it's off her twitter site!" Oh well, I never said I had anything new. Again I point you to the size of her hands, I never knew she was so well hung.

I have also included for you a tiny wee picture of her and Jackie, featuring Jackie's nipples. Judging from Jillian body language I suspect that "partnership' did not end happily.

So there you are my darlings, go salivate. And please keep on sending me the links and updates from your end of the planet cos we're so isolated down here, and I have to wait till next summer to see the last Biggest Loser show. How am I going to survive that long.

Poor Farrah

I feel sorry for her. Not only did she have a long slow painful death, but she ended up being upstaged at the end. She must be spinning.

I do also wonder if the world would be showing the same amount sorrow if it had been Madonna who popped her clogs?

Distracted

Yes, yes, quiet I know, but as well as settling into the new job I've been running as much as possible and finally, Little Drummer Boy, lifting some weights, but still no shoulder or lat work. Humph.

When I finally do hit the web for my amusement I'm being distracted by some specialist sites that are springing up, one of which is here. Don't think I need to say much more other than I wish it was updated more regularly.

Another that has been sweeping facebook today is this one, kinda self explanatory really. If you're really keen and start following some of the links under the pictures (hint; one that features the words trans and porn) you could be quite surprised by what you find. So you see all designed to keep a girl very distracted.

Now off to attempt yet again to find Cactus on facebook!

Hello World

Yes I am alive but have been so busy with the new job that I haven't had time to read blogs let alone write anything.

All is tickety boo and cruising along well. Having fun trying to get round my BlackBerry, having fun dressing up in uber smart clothes each day, not having fun with the full make up applying in the morning. The minutes I save in travel time are spent battling with cosmetics. Oh well, such is the life of a girl.

Oh, did I say I have a stunning view from my new office. As you can probably gather I'm very happy with the new adventures in front of me, the changes that have happened in my life, and still say thanks every day for how it has all has turned out and bless how fortunate I have been.

Day 4 of Shopping

I am having a rest day today. Over the last two days the haul has been somewhat less as I have got a bit jaded and also having a major sulk as the only two pairs of shoes I am in lust with are unavailable anywhere in NZ in my size, and likewise the Liberty print Ben Sherman shirt. I have however acquired a new all in one undergarment so I can wear sheer top layers without fear.

Yesterday I had a complete makeover at the M.A.C counter at Kirks, which was a pleasant experience until about 10 minutes after I left the building and my eyes started to puff up. Somewhat disheartening as I had just spent an unmentionable amount of cash on a large bag of product. It seems the pigments in the eye gunk are the culprit, fortunately a product I didn't purchase. As I have a Big Night Out planned, and the Burlesque show to view I am not tempting fate and just resting up.

I still have child shopping to do so I guess that's the weekend taken care of. The one item that has eluded me is a gorgeous piece of whimsical frippery for my amusement only and not a "work" garment. I haven't managed to find anything that pleases me. I may be tempted to look at jewellery instead.

I did succumb, out of politeness, and purchased a pair of $30 running socks as the boy said they were the bees knees. I have taken them for a run and, to be honest, they didn't make me run any faster or longer so my usual cotton predominant ones will suffice.

Oh well, off for a Nana nap now.

Puppy Love

Yesterday was day one of the great in between employment shopping frenzy. My haul for day one was:

• 1 Suit, David Lawrence, dark charcoal, skirt and jacket.
• 2 longsleeve boringly functional cotton lycra scoopneck tops.
• 1 pair of heels, not killer, have to work my way up to that height
• 1 pair Ricochet trousers, and yes I AM going to recycle one of the eight pairs I already own
• 1 red polo neck lightweight wool sweater to wear under above suit.

When I finally got home bearing my heavy load I found on my front doorstep the worlds most cutest puppy. When I pointed him out to the child she was instantly besotted. I carried him down to the street while the child was sent to check nearby houses. I asked the tradesmen working on the property across the road if they had seen anything, the answer was "No, but it suits you." By this stage the puppy was shivering with cold and had burrowed it's head under the lapels of my jacket. It was uber cute.

The child's foray to the neighbouring houses produced no result other than finding places to offer baby sitting services, so it was off round the corner to the SPCA. Then in one of those quirks of fate as we were at the front of the building saying we have found this most gorgeous bundle of the cuteness, the owners were at the back asking if anyone had handed in a puppy. Harmony was restored.

Oh well, shower time now and off for day two of shopping.